One day, it will be
behind you...
you'll be able to
go back to it
whenever you want
and, sometimes, you will
open doors only to find it
awaiting your return--
it will always be there
in wait for chance
to crisscross your paths.
But, remember that
one day, you'll be
able to greet it
as an unasked
abated acquaintance
rather than a startling
blood-stifling stranger.
been away for the weekend and havent caught up properly but dropping in to say this is really rather beautiful. your work is often cold and austere (thats a compliment) meaning that when you do touch on emotions and self the result is all the more powerful.
Hi elP,
Reading about your experience reminds me of certain different though painful experiences. It's not just about memory, but the way they often arise again and again unbidden, and relived again and again, breathing new life into something you wish would remain a corpse.
What can I say? Looking at it, gazing at it, and letting go is a victory - of sorts.
Brilliant write.
Suki
<Deleted User> (13740)
Fri 7th Apr 2017 15:46
Thanks for sharing.
elPintor
Thu 6th Apr 2017 23:06
Good afternoon, all, from the US...
Lots of years ago, when I was only 19, I had what was probably the most traumatic experience of my entire life. I didn't speak about it for weeks but it affected my behavior so greatly that I really couldn't hide the fact that something had gone terribly wrong. I was usually pretty quiet at that age and certainly not aggressive, but, as an example of how acute my anger was, I remember once throwing rocks at an absolutely harmless guy just for putting his arm around me. I did finally break and spoke with a close male friend about what had happened, but the shock didn't wear off for quite a while.
The piece isn't about this experience, specifically. However, it is about the fact that some events can tend to take control until we learn to process and handle them in our own way--even if the shock at the memory never entirely subsides.
I don't usually get so personal, but feel that maybe sometimes that's what writing must ultimately be--and, I've seen some very brave writing from others in this forum. Thanks to each of you for your comments..what a smart bunch you are.
elP
I can't help feeling that this may refer to a split personality elP - one that has to be placated and accepted. Sometimes reality is made up of many layers, not to say threats.
Ray
Experience?
very intriguing stuff!
Good work!
<Deleted User> (13762)
Thu 6th Apr 2017 08:48
I have a lot of corridors with a lot of doors, some shut (locked/unlocked) some partially open and some wide open. To wander the corridors is relatively easy but the doors?
elP, this brings to mind coping with the memory of painful experience, almost to the point of being able to see it through new eyes. I re-read it several times imagining it could relate equally to a range of emotions, e.g. anger, grief, depression or fear. I got the sense of eventually 'growing' as a result of the experience.
Paul
this reminds me of something I was once told upon having children. as all my hobbies and self went out the window. he said " All the things you have wanted to do are not gone, they're waiting for your return".
Obviously time does change desires.
thanks
Old Shoes
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
elPintor
Tue 11th Apr 2017 01:29
Hello, just returning from a long weekend spent traveling...
Nicola, thanks for stopping by. Obviously, I've achieved a certain level of comfort in this forum, thanks to people like you and the writing I've been privileged to read. So, the thanks goes back to you for providing a safe place to share.
You know, David, when writing this, I hadn't planned on opening up in this manner. However, it seemed only fair, somehow, after the initial comments I received. I've come upon such honesty, here--such as I would never have deemed possible from any group people. You hit a big word when speaking about memory--"intrusive". It seems that some things never stop intruding, they simply lose the power to take us by surprise.
Thanks, Natasha. I've been a silent witness of the poetry of many writers, here, and have come to see value in the act of expulsion through writing. There's a certain freedom that comes from just saying things which wouldn't otherwise be said in "mixed" company.
And, Suki, you said it..memories can be triggered by any number of random stimuli--even the holders of those memories can't be wholly aware of all the minutiae that may bring them back to life. We only know it when we sense it.
I appreciate the "cold and austere" comment, Stu. I'm not terribly demonstrative in my daily life. So, naturally, I wouldn't write in such a manner as to betray overmuch "warmth". Yet, I find it hard to resist the urge to express any depth of which my natural vocabulary is capable of exploring.
Thanks to each of your for your kind and thoughtful comments.
elP