(Of course, although he was a Pinball Wizard in 1967, he would have married his teenage bride, Elsie, and both would have been a pensioners now)

 

Ever since I’ve been an old man I’ve rolled those wooden balls

Both indoors and on crown green , I must have played them all

But I ain’t seen nothing like her and doubt I ever could

That big, fat Elsie – sure bowls a mean six wood.

 

In white blouse and in white skirt she ought to look so smart

But sits upon a side bench with both legs wide apart

Her hands are like two shovels, her face looks like a spud

But that big, fat Elsie – sure bowls a mean six wood.

 

She’s a six wood wizard of twenty three stone

But Elsie’s deadly when she gets in the zone.

 

How do you think she does it?

I don’t know.

What makes her so good?

 

She stoops like a falcon approaching to the mat

Her drive ball it is massive – the other woods go “Splat!”

So when they hit the gully you just hear “Thud!Thud! Thud!”

That big, fat Elsie – sure bowls a mean six wood.

 

The draw on her forehand is her standard first attack

She lays it so precisely within inches of the jack

And when it’s on her backhand she’s equally as good

That big, fat Elsie – sure bowls a mean six wood.

 

She’s a six wood wizard of flat and crown green

A six wood wizard the best Brid’s ever seen.

 

How do you think she does it?

I don’t know.

What makes her so good?

 

Some say it’s eating pork pies; that’s how she gets her strength

While others say that practice hones her weight and length

Whatever Elsie’s secret it’s just not understood

But believe me when I tell you, “She sure bowls a mean six wood”