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Blackened Berries

 
I will blacken my tongue
with berries,
and the laugh will crack this smile;
with your face: always your face.
 
I will dampen my tongue
with tears,
and the laugh will soften this land
with your smile: always your smile.
I will comfort your words
with time,
and the laugh will open this prize
with your kindness: always your kindness.

◄ Gymnopedies

not reading old poems but listening to Kate Bush ►

Comments

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 15th Oct 2009 19:41

Still, hasty or not, it really vibrates. Which means, if you relax your brains a bit, fabulous things that do connect to people come out in vivid verse - somewhat unscrambled.

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Tommy Carroll

Sun 11th Oct 2009 18:00

Gram It was a lazy repasting from 'facebook' I composed the 3 stanzas on the 'hoof' without pause to a 'friend' with the time it took still evident. 8 minutes from start to internet. I thought she would be impressed. The effects of Dysphasia being an eagerness to please!

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Graham Sherwood

Sat 10th Oct 2009 22:14

Tommy, really liked the content. Again its the presentation that turned me off. Why make it look like three different pieces of work, cut and pasted together. You lost the poignancy by separating the stanzas.

<Deleted User> (5646)

Sat 10th Oct 2009 14:32

Hi Tommy, i really enjoyed this poem of yours.
It shows a more understanding side than your recent posts. I realize we shouldn't make assessments of people through their writings but it does happen so it's nice to see you have multi characteristics. :-)

Janet.x

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winston plowes

Fri 9th Oct 2009 23:37

Another great contribution Tommy. Like this a lot. Win

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John Aikman

Fri 9th Oct 2009 19:22

I adore this. Not sure why, but I do. I don't know enough yet about poetry than to offer a 'personal opinion' based on the feelings that it evoked in me...it hit the spot for me. Very lovely. I think its simplicity is the key.

Lovely.

Jx

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Cate Greenlees

Fri 9th Oct 2009 18:39

I really like this Tommy. Its different from your usual style, and shows a a gentler, more lyrical side of you. Good one.
Cate xx

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