Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

MOTHER'S RUIN

entry picture

The estate was built

in nineteen thirty eight

my mother there since nineteen forty one.

My mother came out

for the very last time

my mother came out

through the familiar gate

the one that clicked at

my father's arrival every day

before he finally went on his way..

 

    The black car strangely incongruous

    patiently waited in its own shadow

    while curious neighbours

    stood silently by

    as the weight of settled time

    passed close by.

 

She knew them all

their ups and downs,

their subsequent fates

hung on her neck like trophies.

 

I blessed my time there

thinking of the skip

that would soon come to visit

to fill with tears

for the passing years.

🌷(3)

◄ BIRDMAN

THE WAYFARER ►

Comments

Profile image

raypool

Mon 19th Jun 2017 15:21

Thanks one and all for your valued comments. I wanted to get a sense of compression into this, and desolation that happens when you take the pearl out of its shell.
I won't comment individually this time, but all your views make a big difference (thanks to this great site).
I enjoyed editing the photo taken at the time . Mum died in November, but the daffs are out in March, rather poignant.

Love to all youse for all your views.

Ray

Profile image

suki spangles

Sun 18th Jun 2017 03:57

Poignant. Real. And beautifully read - and written, Ray.

Thanks for sharing.

Suki

Profile image

keith jeffries

Sat 17th Jun 2017 21:41

I can see the house in my mind´s eye as I am familiar with such houses having lived in a few. A poem rich in sentiment and very well expressed. Thank you. Keith

Profile image

Tom Doolan

Sat 17th Jun 2017 20:53

Nice work Ray - A very touching and emotive reflection. ?

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 17th Jun 2017 20:08

beautifully written Ray, the repetition in verse one works really well as does the two by's in the next. I stumbled a little at the end of the first verse and wondered if those two lines need shortening, but it might just be me:

father's arrival every day
before he finally went his way..

apart from that I think this is top notch and packed with pathos.

Col.

Profile image

kJ Walker

Sat 17th Jun 2017 20:00

enough emotion in this to fill another of those skips. very moving, I will re-visit this one often.

Kevin

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message