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LIVING DANGEROUSLY

reaching into a chest cavity

he wrenched out the beating heart

drums crescendoed in the flaming night

faces crowded in with tribal eyes

falling back in a profane festive dance

 

strange lights swung high arcing down

in a careening conglomeration

waves of gore became a river to cross

an unspecified far bank

sensed but unseen

forbidden, unclean. 

 

      A window offers in a percolated light.

      Strangely awake now

      his arms feel detached,  inlets

      for emergency tubing

      a feeling of disconnection.

      Someone approaches slowly

      with  medical sensory equipment

      now he can do no wrong. 

      

🌷(4)

◄ 1930's STREET MAP OF LONDON

IN THE FATHER REDCAP ►

Comments

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raypool

Wed 13th Sep 2017 16:23

Thanks for commenting David. I quite accept on re-reading the poem that it poses more questions than maybe it should, and therefore falls short of a satisfying read. I suppose I "filmed" it in my mind. It can be a dangerous area in poetry I think to stray too far away from the blueprint. Two into one doesn't necessarily go! I respect you and Colin as you know and your honesty is a worthwhile thing mate. Your assessment was accurate neverthess.

Charlie and Desmond additionally glad you pressed the like button!

Ray

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raypool

Wed 13th Sep 2017 11:42

Thanks Col for "exposing" yourself, it's really appreciated that you took the time. I've now put on an audio clip to accompany the poem. re your writing, it's good to have a streak of bravado and try things out. Someone has to do it and I applaud you!

Ray

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 13th Sep 2017 08:35

I'm not sure I understood this one Raymondo but it kinda blew my mind to bits a bit - almost feels like half a dozen poems blended into one.

Living dangerously or writing dangerously? I've been experimenting with the latter of late. Well, it makes me laugh if nothing else and others can join in if they like.

*grins demonically*

CoL.

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