(to the tune of 'The Holly and the Ivy')

 

There's cameras in the holly

way above the line of sight,

and a neon sign on the roundabout

"One punch can kill tonight".

 

Well thank you for the warning

and increased security,

I'll be double-sure not to shoplift

now you're looking out for me.

 

It's nice to be surrounded

by markers of your greed,

and a lack of faith in the human race

so frequently displayed.

 

I love the warmth of Yuletide

and I think of Jesus Christ

when there's metal spikes in the doorways

and Space Protection Fines.

 

And you never give the beggars

any money, cos in truth,

they will spend it all, not on healthy food,

but on fripperies like booze.

 

But as long as tills are ringing

and we are all policed,

the rising sun and the running deer

are irrelevant, it seems.

 

So stick your NIMBY charity

right up your pious hole.                                                      

Go and sing your hymn and be grateful

that you even have a home.

 

Should you fall from grace with your god

and you end up on the street,

feed your family from the foodbank

that you sneered at last week.

 

Ho ho ho.