I've been trying to fill a void, shamelessly I have to admit 

by subsituting our late nights in with even later nights out 

Friends once lost or forgotten reappear into the abyss that long ago were hours I would have dedicated to someone else 

Like water filling a gap in the ocean floor, it is difficult not to let them pour in

But these are the friends I need

Night time drives with stops at place after place after place to drop off and pick up people I barely know

I barely knew you 

These friends drive differently to you, gripping the steering wheel looser as they slide into 5th

I compartmentalise former journeys with you into shorter journeys alone

 

I placed you onto a pedestal of unexpected disappointment

Giving you a power like no other

I allowed gardens to grow around the words I would use to describe you 

Untouched acres of vocabulary shielding the "I love" and "I miss" with vines like arms around bodies of tulip petals

Weaving ivy around cursive remains on my skin

Even now, I remember your words like velvet roses

with seasons unable to console the blossoming of my heartbeat 

 

But these actions required more time than you had to give 

And so like sand in a broken hourglass it began to slip away, no longer contained in the glass it was bound by 

Now I have quiet nights in with nothing but books and their words, the same ones I once used to describe us 

I would paint such beautiful pictures of you with the sounds that would escape from my mouth 

 

I do not blame you 

We are given these moments when we need them, and we lose them when we do not 

I will outgrow myself

I cut myself on the sharp edges of the broken pieces we left

but scars remind us all of a journey we cherish, too