The way the world I’ve seen millions of times can look so different after one moment

One life-altering moment

The world looks and feels foreign

When you left this world I instantly relaxed

While the tears began to swell, I kept them at bay knowing you finally got that breath

You finally let go of the pain from every inch of your body

You became free, and I was so happy for you to not have to suffer in that terrible place another second

I was okay knowing you were more than okay

Then I left the hospital, driving back to take that exam I knew I’d fail

I remember the day I told you I wanted to be a doctor

I didn’t think it was a big deal, it was just what I had always wanted

But to you, it was like all your dreams had suddenly come true

You told me how proud of me you were, and then you followed that up by telling all your friends

I never understood why that was such a big deal to you until now

Now that you’re gone I understand that you were proud of me like your own daughter

You knew the struggles I would go through in the years to come that at 7 years old I couldn’t comprehend

You knew that I would go through the hills and valleys finding a way to succeed in both

You had faith in me before I could have even dreamt the need

You were my biggest support system whether it was asking about my volleyball or basketball games or yelling at Dad to let me cheerlead

I may never have the confidence in myself that you had in me before it was even a thought

But I will always know that I will always have an amazing supporter

I spent your last days with you, and I can never explain how grateful I am to get those moments away from everyone else to just be with you

I will never forget one of the last things you told me before I left to change cloths and shower thinking you were stable

You asked me how I had gotten so smart and I just laughed thinking you were full of it

Then you told me that you loved me and all I could do was smile and tell you I loved you too

Then I walked out of the room not knowing it would be the last time you ever talked to me

I don’t know if you knew I was there once you were transferred to the ICU but I was

I don’t know if you knew that I along with Dad and Aunt Carol decided to let your pain go

I don’t know if you knew that I cried at your feet hoping I would get one more minute

I don’t know if you knew that I had your hand as you took your last breath leaving this world

But I did

I was there until the end the same way you have always been

Each day the pain goes away a little more but you’re always here

As I make my bed I think about the mornings you would remake the bed I just spent ten minutes making because it had to be just right

Every time I eat a slice of pie I think about your homemade lemon meringue pie and the Thanksgiving you made one pie per person because “dessert is the most important”

Each time my alarm goes off super early, I think of the mornings you woke us up at 6am telling us breakfast was ready

Breakfast? No Grandma that was a buffet

As I begin my career, I think of you

As I study for my Master’s Degree, you are here

As I walk down the aisle, you are here

As I have a baby, you are here

You are everywhere around me, smiling, and proud of who I am becoming

So Grandma, to answer your question, I became this smart watching you and I love you too