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Shopping

entry picture

I saw you waiting 
in the light 

stood there waiting
standing there

saw you in the 
window's light

standing facing
to the light

from the windows
tall and bright

from the shopping
arcade's light

from the arcade's
neon glare

I saw you shopping
standing there

I saw you standing
shopping there

saw you with your
shopping there

In the arcade 
windows glare

stood there  standing 
unaware 

stood there standing
chestnut hair

watched by shoppers
stood to stare

bathed within the
window's light

before the windows
tall and bright

in the light just
standing there

you stood waiting
I stood here

both of us stood
standing there

you stood standing 
unaware

I watched you
as you watched her

both of us just
standing there.


words and foto T Carroll
reworked

🌷(6)

◄ Starkey

Sorry bone ►

Comments

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Martin Elder

Sun 7th Oct 2018 22:56

Wow this is a long one for you Tommy but well worth the read with a good use of repetition as I think has already been said, been ...said...been said.
sorry lost the plot there for a moment


Nice one

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Taylor Crowshaw

Wed 3rd Oct 2018 09:03

Love it...?

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Don Matthews

Wed 3rd Oct 2018 00:35

The rhythm and interplay of words are great. Well done.?

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keith jeffries

Tue 2nd Oct 2018 21:41

Tommy,

This is an interesting play on words which come together to form a uniqe rythm. I really like this poem as I have never seen the likes of it before.

Thank you for this,
Keith

<Deleted User> (18980)

Tue 2nd Oct 2018 21:39

Tommy...I don't normally go for this type of repetition but this one has a lot of appeal and I've read it through more than once. Your initial unbroken format didn't grab me and your decision to change it was I think a good one.

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