In order to avoid all doubt I thought I better had

Re-post this piece which last time round made many people mad

Who bullocked through its irony and saw me as a cad;

So let me plainly state, “Don’t go Upskirting”.

It is not nice; it’s horrible; enough make you swear

And never mind Box Brownies – you shouldn’t even stare

And anyway you couldn’t in the case of girls who wear

The length of tweeded frocks you’d find Our Gert in.

Take up a wholesome hobby if photography’s your game

And snap a coastal sunset or your pet inside the frame;

This way you won’t be in the local press with all its shame

Associated rightly with Upskirting.

And so without the fear of contradiction let me say

To all you prissy snowflakes there’s no need to look away;

There’s no mistaking in this poem – it’s black and white not grey

You mustn’t, mustn’t, MUSTN’T, go Upskirting.