10/20/2018

An outreach of arms, a man of charms. God why do this to me? Dropping hope the size of sugar crystals on my heart and then turning them to salt to watch me as I cripple and fall apart. A heart as cold as ice will shatter into splinters when it falls to the ground, eyes dark and wide with understanding will cry when they are gazed into and then left, hands stiff with uncertainty will ache when touched and then bleed when they are left, my whole soul will peek out and then leave when it is left.

I cannot take it anymore. My heart, my eyes, my hands, my soul cannot breathe through it anymore. What a prank, what a cruel punishment and humiliation. Watching me crash land into my damnation. My dim light slowly hunting, seeping and searching back into the cracks of my body to find untouchable dark and safety to once again hide itself. My mouth opening to scream but knowing it will do no good to call for help. I'm by myself. My body parts at odds and ends and my bones bent in all the wrong places, my face blank and nameless. And every person who hurts me, left overall shameless. They don't care who I am, what my name is or what breaks loose in me after they leave. They don't sit long enough to observe my pulsating heart and its blood seething out of me. It feels everyone has left and they all have the key, except for me. To my own body, to my own will, to my own shadow of a soul. It's beginning to take its toll. Once I could bounce back but my revelation of understanding is reaching a new peak and all I can do is shut my eyes tight and will my body to sleep. You sow what you reap but at times I don't feel as if I've done any of the reaping. My need for love is insatiable but at this point my mind and body are almost incapable. I feel bruised and abused like I have just woken up from a hard hit that reverberates all throughout my body. My fingers are not my own and my face is not my own. My soul is fighting to hold onto its home.

I just don't know how long I can keep going.