Hourglass

Friday 22nd January 2010 10:57 pm

rejected before she could give any cause.

needle highs surround her as the stale air hangs,
yesteryear music plays while the
dust floats aimlessly in the afternoon sun.

the emptiness echoes the sorrow
while the outside tells it's lies
and people pass by.

She came of age before her time,
to whispers of threat and promise.
too early for her to understand, she kept it buried.

She was me and her life was mine.

Comments

kath hewitt

Tue 2nd Feb 2010 19:58

Hi Winston
Thanks for your comment on my poem, it's much appreciated. I do feel that Hourglass is already as it should be but it is good to know that you saw enough in it to pay it more attention! thanks.

winston plowes

Tue 2nd Feb 2010 12:27

hi Kath... absolutely loved this one. Just had a play with it and removed some words. Not because I thought it needed it but as a bit of an exercise to see how it looks. what do you think? I must find time to look at your others. Keep posting. Win x

rejected before she could give any cause.

needle highs surround her as the stale air hangs,
yesteryear music plays while
dust floats aimlessly in the sun.

emptiness echoes sorrow
while the outside tells it's lies
and people pass.

She came of age before her time,
to whispers of threat and promise.
too early for her to understand,
she kept it buried.

She was me and her life was mine.

kath hewitt

Fri 29th Jan 2010 14:17

Again, thank you to everyone. My confidence is growing!

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 23rd Jan 2010 12:28

I like the physical structure of the poem mirroring the hourglass shape. And then the change of tense from present to past as the dropping sand becomes static, contained within the bottom globe; the hour has passed, and is, as commonly understood, never retrievable.

Ann Foxglove

Sat 23rd Jan 2010 08:48

Hi Kathryn. I agree with all these comments, a really good poem, subtle, seemingly simple, very deep and affecting. xx

Marianne Louise Daniels

Sat 23rd Jan 2010 07:19

i loved this. you have an exceptional writing style - strong voice but yet with a lingering vulnerability.
I agree with francine.
x

kath hewitt

Sat 23rd Jan 2010 01:41

thank you francine.

I would like to say that i really do appreciate the feedback that all of you leave. thank you x

Francine

Sat 23rd Jan 2010 01:13

This is very poetic Kathryn.
I love your choice of words and how they make such an impact...
The title 'Hourglass' and the reference to time...

These words are profound:
'the emptiness echoes the sorrow
while the outside tells it's lies'

The last line is shocking, yet it conveys awareness and a sense of healing...
'She was me and her life was mine.'

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Hourglass

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