If you're feeling low and blue

don't go shopping yet anew

what I do you could too

 

Don't gorge yourself on sugar candy

or grab those pills you keep so handy

just have a squint at David Gandy!

 

I may be past my sell-by date

but not yet blind or bemoaning fate

as to deny an ideal mate

 

Or if you're male (would make me wail)!

feeling grim and not so hale

don't totter pubwise for strong ale

 

Surf the net and take a peep

at partner Bianca, she's so sleek

imagine sailing cheek to cheek!

 

You would really be at sea

but not exactly fancy-free

indulging every fantasy!