We ricochet from pillar to post
buffeted like an atom in the Hadron Collider
smashed up from emotion to emotion
from love to guilt to fear
to lust to passion back to love again.
Made dizzy in this hollow biosphere
and round and round and round
we go again.
And on the windscreen of the world
we only form a smear.
A brief streak made from
blood and sweat and shit and tears.
Never read this one before. It is powerful. Love the image of the smear on the windscreen - what a brilliant way of describing life! It would have been good if you could have found a poetic word for spunk cos seeds brings in the idea that we are causing the same cycle to repeat. Not sure what that word would be - shit works though so I wouldn't worry about it.
I have substituted cum for shit - I did debate whether I should have replaced cum with piss or indeed spunk (whatever that is!) but came down on the side of shit. If you see what I mean.
I did ponder long and hard about "cum" as it's a word I don't like the sound of! As to gender specific, I guess I was looking on blood as being more of a woman's word somehow.
It is good, Ann. I guess 'cum' must mark it a woman's viewpoint. To be honest, for the universality of this idea, I wouldn't use 'cum' to make it gender specific.
<Deleted User> (7073)
Fri 12th Feb 2010 10:16
Brilliant Annipoo.... but on that riotously rapid journey do we discover any new intermediary states of being or building blocks of existence ???
Luv TC XX
You've done it again! Another cracker.
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Ann Foxglove
Sat 20th Feb 2010 06:01
OK Isobel - I won't give a shit then! ;-) xxx