The Ghost Of Our Old Granny

 

Well… the funeral went off without cause for concern

And the vicar did well in his roll

He paid Our Old Granny a lot of respect

Before bunging her down in the hole

 

And then afterwards at the funeral wake

Nothing but kind words were said

So why then has she’s come back to haunt us

Why has she come back from the dead

 

It was on that first night, as we got ‘ome

That paranormal activities began

There were clatterin’ noises, from Granny’s old chamber

Like drawers being slammed with a bang

 

Dad said “Either we’ve got an intruder”

“Or us mice have got pit-boots on”

“And the noises are comin’ from Granny’s old bedroom”

“And we know it’s not her, cos she’s gone”

 

So we went in, and saw the image of Granny

Who’d alus been scary and gross

But scariness took on a new perspective

Now that she’d come back as a ghost

 

She looked just as she did when we laid her to rest

But with muck from her grave on her head

Dad said “Mother, what’s thy doin’ back here?”

“Has tha forgot that tha’s dead?”

 

She said “No Son, but I’ve just had a pig of a day”

“As I’ve worked my way up from beneath”

“Then to find that you’ve left me in Purgatory”

“And had me buried….. Not wearin’ me teeth”

 

She said “I tried to get in upstairs”

“But they wain’t let me in incomplete”

“And I don’t fancy downstairs, cos Grandad’s still down there”

“And that’s someone I don’t want to meet”

 

“So now I’m stuck here….  In Limbo”

“In toothless destitution”

“And I blame you for my predicament”

“So I’ve come back for retribution”

 

She said “I’ve come back to haunt yus”

“Cos I really resent yus”

“For ‘avin’ me buried”

“Not wearin’ mi dentures”

 

So for time evermore there’ll be clattering and banging

And things that go bump in the night

But we aren’t afraid, cos she ain’t got no teeth in

And her bark’s a lot worse than her bite