Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than comfortable with others enjoying a sexuality different from my own.  Whatever pleasure anyone wants to get out of their willy or their fanny is entirely fine by me.

No.  It’s the silliness of the nomenclature which I ridicule.  How many people would know what “LGBTQIA+” stands for without googling it?  Not many, I bet.

And, I’m told the “Q” stands for “Queer”.  How interesting.  The word has been taboo for years; then the tide of politically correct fashion turns. How long before “gay” becomes offensive (and, in time, “LGBTQIA+” for that matter).

But the silliness doesn’t just confine itself to letters no-one understands.  There are plenty of those knocking about; GIF, RADAR, IKEA and NASDAQ to name but a few.  It’s to do with how long it is; as though Carol Vorderman had chucked a fistful at Richard Whiteley.  And why does it stop where it does?  Why no “N” for the necrophiliacs? Or “U” for urolagnists?  My own beef is that we wankers aren’t represented.

Or, perhaps, that’s what the “+” means.  Well, if it does I’m not satisfied.  I bet there’s a lot more of us “W”s than there are “A”s.

I’m struck by an image not unlike that “What-have-the-Romans-ever-done-for-us” scene in “The Life of Brian”.  A committee of the politically correct Great and Good is sitting when someone says after “Q”,

“Isn’t this getting a bit out of hand.”

“I agree” says someone else “But I do think “A” should be in”.

“And “T”” says someone else.

“Okay okay.  But let’s just stop here and stick a “+” on the end for all you necrophiliacs and podophilists and wankers and anyone else who can think of something different to do with their genitals”.

Personally, I wonder if they saw the end in sight, realising that the alphabet would only allow them to represent 26 variations of cock and fanny fun.  I posted this on Facebook and a pal commented back that a googled list of gender identifications numbered over 50 categories.

“We’re gonna need a bigger alphabet” I hear one of the Committee saying. 

Well, I can help.  Apparently the Khmer (Cambodian) alphabet has 54 letters.

But I’m willing to gamble that if we used up all of them you still wouldn’t find my own little peccadillo among them.  Shitting in ladies’ handbags is somewhat niche.