Today is not a good day

Today affirmations do not affirm me

Meditation is not mindful

Breath is not counted

Thoughts are not observed and gently let go

Today I am holding on to pain though

Misery is not strength and

I am not strong

Today doubt is king

Insights are blind

Realizations forgotten

Today is not a good day

There is blood on the window

Splattered like the cloacal spray

of some scavenging bird

the rain spreads it into separate

pools...like every drop

is wounded

as the bird that hit the glass

it did not see

flying carefree into reflection

of an unreal sky

I am tired of trying to not die

while dying while trying

I am tired of trying to not cry

while crying while trying

I am not asleep

and the night is slow

with the room's light above

and the darkness below.