The thought that terrifies me the most, is that you might fade away.

I will take all the pain and heartache in the world, over not being able to remember all the key things.

Your laugh, your smile, your smell,

I can’t bare these things to ever leave my memory.

 

It angers me on days when I don’t think about you enough,

It worries me that I don’t always automatically cry.

I never want you to leave my thoughts.

I keep hoping I may find a new picture, uncover a video I haven’t seen, anything to make it seem like you are still here,

Like what we have left are not just memories, but new beginnings.

 

I fear that life won’t be the same.

It can’t be. It has to be different.

If I could have one more conversation, what would it be about?

 

So many what ifs, too many to contemplate.

Fears that keep me awake at night, seem different in the morning.

This poem will be written differently in the morning.

Right now though, these are my fears.