There is a pit inside of me 

A deep, dark abyss where the negative thoughts grow 

“I will fail” 

“I cannot do this”

 

That is why 

When I look at you, there is pain behind my eyes

Bleeding onto my cheeks 

Staining all that surrounds me 

 

This bubble of safety 

Does not always contain it 

 

This is what high functioning looks like 

From afar, it is well controlled 

Hands grasped tightly around the panic 

From where you stand

It is though nothing harms me at all 

 

This balancing act I play 

Is so heavy on my small torso 

These bruises appear to have been caused by something so severe 

 

The arms that crawl up my back and neck cannot be seen by human eyes 

But, my God 

Do I feel it when the claws reach around my throat 

The anxiety creeping in 

I cannot go on 

Cannot take that train 

Cannot pass that test 

 

It is the soft hands on my waist 

The small of my back 

On my cheek 

That causes those claws to recede 

 

It is the brightness in your eyes 

That stops bleak from being so 

So bleak 

 

I am pulled back into the present 

With your slightest touch 

Reminding me this is not how it will always be 

This is not how I will always be 

 

Out of shadows

and into light