Hailstones
Volleys of hailstones
from gunmetal skies
winter comes close now
in autumn disguise
branches once verdant
now shadowed and black
claw at the heavens
to beg summer back
Comments
Thanks guys. I thought it was quite 'punchy' as-is, and extending it might detract rather than improve. However, I've come up with these verses, although I'm not sure they're needed.
round guttering candles
alight on the sconce
winds rage like vandals
and howl their response
lock down your windows
and close the doors tight
hide ‘neath the bedclothes
through long winter’s night
I like this Trevor. Bounces along nicely.
Perhaps I can satisfy Brian's thirst for two extra verses
I'm a little haildrop
Banging on your roof
What's that that you are yelling?
Stop it! bloody strewth!
I'm 'fraid I cannot help it
My master is the cloud
Shit! he's gone and just yelled out
That thunder's f.....ing loud
I'm sorry I'm not as eloquent as Trev Brian. Best I could do. Aussies are a bit rough around the edges
?
<Deleted User> (18980)
Sun 1st Dec 2019 19:31
Good Trev, but I had no sooner got into the rhythm when it ended. I feel like it needs another two verses. Hope you don't mind this observation.
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Don Matthews
Mon 2nd Dec 2019 00:36
No. The poem is perfect and complete with just your two original verses. Sometimes (most times to me) a short succint is best. Additions can many times detract and mess it up if you know what I mean. It's why I like haiku. Short, sharp, shiny......