I am all of the cliches 

Green with envy 

The putrid taste of jealousy rising in the back of my throat 

Butterflies in my stomach that turn to knives in my heart 

or splinters 

There are not enough tweezers in the world to remove all of the pieces 

 

My brain understands, some of the time 

But my heart does not 

I understand there is history 

You and her

I have been there, too 

The ease of falling back into old habits 

The comfort of someone who knows you too well 

 

I knew I would not be a replacement

I did not walk into this asking to be 

But I can’t help but wonder why you shy away from me 

It is too easy for you to want to see her 

While I’m begging you to give me a few hours of your time 

 

Did I make it too easy for you?

Do you no longer want me at all now that you have me at your fingertips?

The game has run out of time 

Out of moves

Out of lives 

Maybe I have, too

 

Show me you love me 

I pray 

 

Do you do the things with her that weeks ago you did with me?

Do you kiss her, or let her hold your hand in public?

I am desperate to know

In the hope that somehow I’d be able to cut my losses if that were the case 

Jealousy is not a good look on me

 

I wish I were capable of walking away 

Calling a spade, a spade 

Using it to dig myself a hole

Bask in its emptiness 

Crawl inside and let the pain escape

Cover me in the dirt 

Return me to the depths of the Earth 

Only allow it to release me

When I am no longer wishing 

for you

 

- I am still hoping, but at some point I need to let go of the “us” I still desperately want