("There's nowt for getting old" - my Aunt Flo")

I can see clearly now my specs have come

I can see pills that’s on my bedside tray

Gone is my need for library large-print books

I can read perfectly good if it’s arm’s length away.

I can chew proper now my teeth are in

No more rolling food round my gums

No more Angel Delight and chicken soup

It’s gonna be pie, steak pie, like my old mum’s.

I can pee freely now my pad is on

Now all my trouser stains have disappeared

None at the front and none down either leg

None at the back where once skid marks were smeared.

I’ve a clean bottom now the carer’s been

She wears a white smock that looks so smart

Soon I’m all powdered up and nice and dry

But when she’s gone, Oh Dear! That wasn’t a fart.