Call today and schedule a tour of our facilities at Retirement Village & Condos.

See our one bedroom, one bath villas which will cost you

about the same as what you are paying now for a 4 bedroom house.

But you won't have any maintenance.  Nor will you have any yard,

or garage or patio or privacy or room to turn around.

But it's a small price to pay for the luxury of a clubhouse and sidewalks.

 

Our new facility is geared to Seniors who want less responsibility and

can afford to pay through the nose for it.  We have no golf course but we do have a golf cart.

We also have a pool, about the size of a postage stamp, but it helps prevent

accidental drowning.  You can hang on to both sides of the pool as you dog paddle around.

 

You will love the companionship of like old people who love to talk about their aches & pains.

We also have a game room where old people cheat at cards and dominoes.  Liquor is available

after six PM.  We believe in early sedation.

If you have any money left at the end of the month, we offer Shuttle Service to the bank

where you can withdraw more money to pay our exorbitant rents & fees.

 

Your security is also a prime concern.  We have a guy named Sarge who patrols in the

golf cart and monitors the Handicapped Parking spaces.  He is fully armed ( has both of them)

and often sleeps in the golf cart so he is available at any time for Search & Rescue.

Just a nudge and he is ready to go!

So, come on down, we are not on the lake, but if you squint real hard,

you can see the City Sewage Treatment Plant.

 

This is a one time offer and it won't be extended.  Call now for appointment.

Widows are especially welcome.  They have the most money!

Pets are permitted for an extra fee.   $20 per pound. 

Pit Bulls must be restrained (like some of our residents).

 

Mary Post-Mortem

Managing Director/Ambulance Driver

Retirement Village, USA

"Where old people enjoy themselves while getting fleeced out of their life savings"