Size Matters!

 

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

 

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

 

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

- all sight of ‘er ‘ad gone!

 

‘Too big!’ she shouted (from the fly!)

‘I never could wear those.

’ ‘That’s right!’ I said, ‘

and that is why you wear ‘the panty-‘ose’!

 

I’ve let you try mi britches out

(as ‘man opposed to mouse’)

to clarify that I, no doubt’,

wear‘t trousers in this ‘ouse.

 

This sent to ‘er the message, clear,

I’m master in mi ‘castle’.

So, ever since, yer mother (dear)

has never ‘give me hassle’!”

 

Jack considered Father’s ploy

to gain the upper hand.

Then (hoping it would not annoy),

agreed to make his stand.

 

And so, that night, to ‘mark his ground’,

Jack led Jill to their bed.

To stand there, proudly – trousers ‘downed’

(the way his Dad had said).

 

“Wife, I’ll not be put upon!”

said Jack w(all ‘high and mighty’).

“You need to try my trousers on

before you don your ‘nightie’.”

 

Jill humoured him, and climbed inside

his ‘Forty-two-waist’ slacks.

“They’re massive!” cried his muffled bride.

“Like two potato-sacks!”

 

“Precisely, Dear.” smiled Jack. That’s why

I’m telling you, as spouse,

you need to realise that I

wear’t trousers in this ‘ouse.”

 

Jill, unabashed by ‘macho-Jack’

then slipped her panties down.

“Now, try these on”, she whispered back.

Jack’s face turned to a frown.

 

So, stepping into knickers, flushed

(the act, a total farce),

no matter how he pulled and pushed,

they barely reached his arse.

 

Moaned Jack (knees caught in tiny briefs)

“I can’t get in your pants.”

“Think on!” warned Jill. “With your beliefs,

you’ll never get the chance!”