As promised, Simon, I have done an analysis of your poem. (Whether you wanted me to is another matter.) It was on Facebook originally I know but I feel a bit guilty letting Facebook become the new Write Out Loud so I am posting it to your profile first.

Poem by Simon Rennie

then coded partly
molasses poured on myth
breach (breach)

slow still somewhere
pain has a colour
want recedes yet

wreaks quiet violence
litany (litany)
between silences

maybe they will say
this is where he fell
here where the here

maybe
like him
they wont care

This poem contains many markers of uncertainty. Terms like ‘partly’, ‘maybe’, are direct expressions of incomplete knowledge; ‘coded’ and ‘myth’ refer to hidden knowledge; ‘somewhere’, a non- specific term, and ‘between’ in relation to ‘silences’ is a very abstract concept. An incomplete phrase ‘where the’ and pronouns ‘they’, ‘he’ and ‘him’ imply a reference to identities withheld. The use of bracketed repeats (breach) and (litany) seems to suggest that the writer repeats these to himself, as if unsure of their relevance. Is there a litany between silences?
With so much uncertainty, what is revealed?
‘molasses poured’ is a clear image, but ‘on myth’ suggests we should take it as a metaphorical molasses. Sweetness, smothering, perhaps? ‘Pain’ as a subject is subverted by ‘has a colour’. Feeling is being redirected into a visual image. ‘Want’ as subject is said to ‘recede’, and yet continues to ‘wreak violence’, but silently;- hidden feeling, smothered sound. There is an implication that the silences contain repressed but unspecified desperation.
In the last section there are two complete and seemingly straightforward sentences; ‘this is where he fell’; ‘they wont care’, and the comparison ‘like him’ implies an understood ‘he wont care’.
Amongst all the ambiguous and hidden information implied in the poem only a few words carry strong connotations to inform the reader. Pain, want, wreaks violence – these are set against molasses, myth, colour; and a few words reference the surface world: silences, he fell, care.
I look at this poem as I might look at an abstract painting, letting my mind gather information and references for which my brain, finding patterns and implications, will discover meanings.
Above all, modernism is an acknowledgement that the reader is actively creating their own poem as they read. We grasp at clues of grammar and vocabulary and begin weaving meanings and scenarios. Those of us who like narrative and realism, and this is a very English characteristic, react strongly to the incomplete and contradictory references, and the lack of grammatical cohesion which makes the poem literally ‘incoherent’. We may want to say ‘I won’t let my mind make it up for me. I want the writer’s meaning.’

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Thanks for your comments on my 'War' poem Simon .... my first ever Siren comment! And I'm enormously flattered to be even mentioned in the same breath as Auden - made my day.
Cx

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Cheers Simon re 'Unfailing'That I should remind you of the fantastic Mr, Hopkins! wow! what a compliment indeed! thank you Sir-Stefan.

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Cheers Nick. Glad you enjoyed it. Bloomdusk is a funny one. It's very Gothic and it contains a serious metaphor but the further I got writing it the more extreme it became. It ends up like a Hammer Horror theme. Funnily enough, I've just learned today that someone wants to do some artwork for the poem. That should be fun!

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Simon! I loved Little Machines. Particularly liked Bloomdusk. When I read British, Not Pure it put me in mind of a book I recently read; Bloody Foreigners by Robert Winder..a history of immigration to the British Isles. Cheers!

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Hi Simon,Thankyou for taking requests the other night in Hebden. I was thrilled by your nude poem! Now... I have never noticed your short poem 'Airborne Inversion'. I love it. It is clever, observant and has that certain something that makes it a whole with no part out of place, no corners unrounded and no ends partly frayed. Winston x

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Hi Cynthia. Hulme is near Manchester town centre, just by the Universities.

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You were the first person in this arena ever to comment on my poetry. I really appreciated that. It was very encouraging. I couldn't respond then because I didn't know the technicalities of the site. But thank you again. I watch for your participation in the discussions as well. Where is Hulme, exactly?

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Hi Simon,
really nice to see you at Hebden. Twice in one week. Poor you. :-)
Just want to say how much i enjoyed your performance tonight and i didn't realize you knew me so well. (note the irony)

Janet.x

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Hi. Nice to see u on here ...I didn't know u were the guy at Hulme who read so beautifully and it is a pleasure to see ur work on here and I do admire your style a lot. Thanks for reminding me that we have met before :) think there was a problem with chat earlier.

TC speak /see soon

Good luck with degree . I have just finished 2nd yr of MA and feel very 'light'

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Cheers guys, much appreciated.

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Yes Ditto Ditto... The very best of luck with your exams!
See you soon
Gus

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Good luck with the exams: hope they go very well indeed.

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reading stuff , i just want to link you to a song by chris woods , come down jehovah

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Thanks for your recent comment Simon. It makes sense.

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thanks for the chat , yeah it broke ,
i too have an essay to write :)

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I welcome any comments or criticisms of my work. Just don't ask me what 'Agnus Mater' is supposed to mean because I'm really not sure. I was drunk when I wrote it. The title is a reference to Agnus Dei - The Lamb of God. I just riffed on the idea of Jesus being a lamb and therefore Mary being a ewe.

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