I'm cursed.

Imprisoned inside my own head.

Endless loops of excessive or inadequate.

The overwhelming depth of darkness poisons me;

And I'm consumed by voices that scream for release;

the intoxicating craving for peace.

Until I overdose on overthinking,

Yet so tortured by this terrifying emptiness,

That I am just too numb to fear that fear.

I am simply a shell of a girl ...

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I'm defenceless, powerless.

Constrained, by uncontrolled emotions,

To this rollercoaster: up, down, up, down.

Desperate screams silenced in smothering shame.

I didn't consent to this ride,

So why won't you let me get off?

Sadness is suicide;

Anger is murder,

Happiness is euphoric,

And normal? Normal is northing.

And nothing being an insufferable emptiness,

That hol...

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I'm sat at the cliff,

Black clouds hold threat over me;

Fog that smothers my vision;

Obscures my perceptions.

Deafened by the dark waves,

Crushing and punishing the soft clay.

My desperate screams mimicked and echoed;

By winds that wrap me up,

Trap me in this silent storm,

I'll squint through the shadows,

Search for the sun they all bathe in.

But my fingernails fil...

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And I hate that when I find a lump under my skin,

How I hope that some stupid cells dividing too much,

Cause a fight that leaves me in a grave.

And how they'd still remember me a fighter as I smiled throughout the losing battle.

But I'm smiling because they will not blame me when I lose this one.

I've spent years apologising for things that I cannot control,

Because it is not can...

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When you try your hardest you really do 

But your switches get the better of you 

It's not my fault I try and say but it still doesn't stop me pushing people away 

My actions speak louder than words but my actions aren't created by myself 

There all chemical imbalances that cause my mental health 

I say I'm sorry each time I mess up but there's only so many times people will he...

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Last Night

…(gemma)...Gemma…

    “Gemma!”  She snapped into consciousness, only partly.  Her head was pounding and her fingers felt swollen.

    “What time is it?” she murmured.  Her eyelids remained heavy still, but they opened wide enough to notice the thin rays of light streaming through the dorm room’s blinds.  Gemma shifted her body to face Alex.  He looked almost as groggy as s...

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The darkness within comes from my twin pulls apart the good and let's my emotions win, a diagnosed Gemini, going through phases of tears and bright eyes, there's no medication for borderline, with lots of love and self doubt, tempted to break things and shout but some days are for the better while others I can't pull myself together, a case that just won't close, oh how this just comes and goes, I...

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I languish in lack
Abound in absence
And my visage 
Reflects yours
If anything at all.
Imitation is flattery,
Say those 
Who know nothing
Of either.
Perhaps,
My emotionless adoration
Exists in your vision,
Beautifully speculative and subjective.

Who exists in terms of self?
Without an other,
Familiarity is absurd.
Who can know
What he always sees?
In this way,
I present myself...

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