Agitation eats at my chest due to my un-feathered yearning for this person, she cannot begin to think about what she wants other than the bare necessity of breathing.

                Which implores me to wish she didn’t need to breathe, selfishly, so that I can then be an option for her. I'm sure another necessity would take sprout.

I’m not sure who is the root of the problem. A possible s...

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we were just friends,
that spoke like lovers,
and that seemed to be enough,
for two people scared to love one another,
awkward tension as I stare,
silently begging you to care,
shoving all my feelings deep inside,
denying to my friends you’re the one I like,
semi-flirting,
holding eye contact as we're serving,
it would never work,
still that doesn’t mean we couldn’t try,
but until then...

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immediately after i finish a book i have to start another. 

rinse and repeat. always moving. don’t get too attached. 

i worry that if i don’t pick up another book immediately i may never do so again

i fear i’ll become forever lost in the chasm 

grasping for characters who’s stories have ended and unable to move onto the next

if i didn’t fear the nothingness i could learn m...

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Silence after midnight

Who’s lurking in the dark

The wind is blowing in the trees

As I’m walking through the park

The gasping heavy breathing

My heart is beating fast

Lost in my surroundings

Reflecting on the past

Am I being followed

Why am I here alone

Is it all just in my head

Is it me that’s making sound

I’m sure I heard faint footsteps

I quicken up my pac...

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Demons in the Woods

Running from the demons
Deep down in the woods
Head all in a panic
Heart fast pumping blood
Feet are feeling heavy
Trudging through the mud
Fear taking over my body
This situation I misjudged
Peeking over my shoulder to see once where I stood
Can’t control this trembling (I really wish I could).

© curiousdud3 05/2022

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A Dim Afterparty

Thou shall never know if words could ever suffice

Nor should the laws of nature bound the mind to the earth

For we exist as long as the fade of eternal light

Brings a dimming to the afterparty as we find it cannot always be night

And though our hands feel our knees and our locked chests

Some can see clearly yet roam in the subconscious dark depths

In a ...

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Help

Nothings new

Nothings the same 

Nobody yearning

No one to blame 

Pretentious thoughts

Relentless smiles

Bloodthirsty thoughts

Sinless flesh defiled

It hurts

Pointless meetings

Insipid friends

Effusive pretenders

Matching the trend 

World keeps turning

Illusions are gone

Within the abyss

The demons belong

I’m scared

Watching from th...

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numb; no sensation in your face

what's about to happen, you cannot erase

I know you thought it'd be a thrill

but now you can't say no as he gives you another pill

immobilized; your body is limp

you thought you had trust but now he's acting as your pimp

your body stays paralyzed

his hands around your neck, your lungs being pulverized

you panic as you cannot breathe

adrena...

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Let the anticipation build Let the angst grow inside your gut Allow it to rumble and tumble and wreck havoc on your insides Feel the magnetic pull when we lock eyes a little bit too long and struggle to break away Watch me watching you while trying to hide your prying eyes Don't you dare rush a thing

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My mum,

My mum of eleven years,

Has gone - never to walk the earth again.

The past years - what have I lost?

Not much…only:

A motherly figure to go to when in harm,

Someone to praise me when I’m succeeding,

Someone to hold me tight when I’m in need,

Someone to teach me right from wrong,

Someone to kiss me when I’m sleeping,

Someone to make me laugh,

Someone to tick...

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I am always second guessing myself

hiding my shame and health

Never knowing what to do 

If i could only open up to you

It's scary the thing's i think 

always contemplating drink

the level of stress is unbearable

It makes me depressed and feel terrible

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I'm Terrified

I’m scared that this is who I will be from now on

I’m afraid of what I might become

I’m scared that I’ll never have a healthy relationship

I’m afraid of losing everything again

I’m scared that any person who comes close to me will hurt me

I’m afraid of being isolated

I’m scared that I may be better off alone

I’m afraid of these thoughts racing

I’m scared th...

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My Heart Beat Beat Beat.

My Heart Beat Beat Beat.

Feels like I am falling from 9000ft

A rollercoaster with no end

& when I am with you it begins to ascend

My Heart Beat Beat Beat.

My Heart Beat Beat Beat.

may be hidden and discreet, 

but it's the only way it can avoid defeat.

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Sitting

Waiting

Thinking

Flaking

Run until you can't stop

Go before your bubble pops

Breathe

Relax

Short and deep

How can this be?

Shush!

Just wait and see

Nice and easy

One step at a time

It'll all be fine

Sitting

Waiting

Thinking

Staying

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This life can peel away the layers of how I feel
Battling me down wanting my courage to steal
Sometimes I go into my dark place
For my dreams and fantasies I cannot face
Will not let fears of failure take my happiness away
I will have the strength to see the end of this day
What can be done about tomorrow
Maybe your dreams I will borrow
Look into a life that’s not mine
Is your life all ha...

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