An ‘I want U’ loveheart, I thought it was cute
at first, but now I have uncovered the truth
it wasn’t a gesture intended  to be sweet
instead you just saw me as something to eat
I was totally wrong to think it impressive
that’s you’d offer take me shopping for dresses
to think I’d end up in Topshop was just plain silly
you meant to say dressings and were thinking sweet chilli
yo...

Read and leave comments (3)

If you want someone to
walk you home late at night
I would happily do it
But I do think to might
Want to consider another
if you’re scared of trouble
as when it comes to self defence
I think I might struggle
But with running away screaming
My instinctive reaction
You could count on me
for the perfect distraction
Though not likely get you
Home safe, free of harm
Think...

Read and leave comments (1)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
But don’t feel contented instead please beware,
Because soon that old creep Santa Claus will be there.

I know what you’re thinking ‘he’s just a kind old man’
But don’t let him fool you, you know that’s his plan.
Therefore it is only my duty to suggest ways to divert,
The ma...

Read and leave comments (5)

I've just started uni (how grown up is that?!) and my weekly essay deadline is 6 O'clock every Thursday. This is what I was thinking at about 2pm last Thursday but in Haiku form ...

Five hundred words done

Twenty Five hundred to go

For 6pm. Shit!

Read and leave comments (4)

 The bell rings ending stolen minutes of peace

And armed with only board pens and 28 marked books

We open the staffroom door knowing only too well

We don’t get paid enough for this

The names Bond

But to you that’s Mrs Bond

And my licence is to educate

Make you analyse and evaluate

Answer questions

But know

Being late is totally unacceptable in my cl...

Read and leave comments (0)

To the man who splashed me with a puddle this morning

What would just be really splendid

Is if you’d listen and then give me right of way

As I’m travelling as nature intended

Can’t you see I’m trying to cross?!

Is there something wrong with your vision?!

You know you get points if you actually hit me

And what do points mean?! Prison

And before you sta...

Read and leave comments (5)

Just a poem about having no social skills...at all!

You say that humans are ‘social beings’

And expect us to just accept that it's true

Well I can prove in a minute and a half that its not

So Aristotle mate, this ones for you

For me causing awkwardness is a god given gift

Causing uncomfortable silences since 1992

As people would stop my mum just to say

...

Read and leave comments (3)