that year we met, i trusted you.

i believed you liked me for who me and wanted to be friends.

but you didn't. it was all a lie.

you wanted to be friends just to get inside.

i confided in you and listened to all your problems. 

always there to brighten your day.

yet, you would always go back to her.

i was your back up---someone to fill the void.

a void so deep and ...

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the warm sun reminds me of you.

the way you would hold me, in your big, strong arms.

the way you would call me beautiful, kiss my forehead.

the way you would make me feel safe. 

i miss you.

i miss you, but you don't miss me

that's the issue. we all want what we can't have.

you never think of me, but i constantly think of you.

you were the first guy to truly care f...

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You,

made me feel something

Something I've been trying to avoid for awhile now.

You,

made me feel safe.

Made me feel loved.

Made me feel like the only girl in the world

In your arms, no bad could happen.

In your arms, I was safe.

In your arms, I was loved. 

This unfamiliar feeling made me uneasy

Made me doubtful

Made me question everythi...

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i DONT belong 

i don’t belong here

i don’t belong anywhere. 

i belong alone .

i belong dead.

no one understands me.

i go in groups and try to talk but nothing useful comes out. 

i try to get people to like me but no one ends up liking me. 

im insane.

im so far in my own mind i can’t connect with anyone around me.

i hate myself. i hate who i am.

why c...

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Where am i?

I ask my mindless brain as I disassociate

I disassociate to the point that everyday feels the same

Everything i do blends into one giant blob of nothingness

Nothing matters. Does it? 

It doesn’t. Nothing has ever mattered.

That's why we alter our state of reality.

We alter it to feel something out of all the nothingness.

We take the shot. We take the h...

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You stuck your fingers up me and didn’t even know my name

You grabbed my ass and blamed it on the drink in your hand

You kissed my neck and pulled me into you

I was yours for the night---that one night.

I was too drunk and you knew. Yet you kept going

You kept going down on me further and further.

My bra somehow came off and you began to suck

I didn’t know what was going ...

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i invite you in my life to feel something again

to turn my numbness into happiness;

you are my happiness 

you make me my happiest

no one loves me as much as you do.

day in and day out i consume your love and affection.

soaking up every last bit. the feeling of feeling something for someone again excites my soul.

feeling anything is so hard these days.

but then i a...

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small minded girl
small minded little girl

never a good thought in her mind
she spends all day imagining dumb stuff in her stupid little mind 
everything she thinks means nothing
her perspective is useless in the eyes of everyone besides herself

dumb, stupid, air-head they call her
degrading her day by day
stripping every last thought from her microscopic mind

causing her to conform...

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he wakes up everyday---but only for them.

he showers, eats, and goes to work---but only for them.

he holds back his sadness and depression---but only for them.

he doesn't want his useless and meaningless state of life to affect their outlook. if anything they should be happy.

although he never hugs or says i love you, they know.

although he never showed up to any of her games, she s...

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a long silence fills the room---piercing my lonesome ears with pain

i turn

there she is

sad, distant, lonely staring at me dead in the eyes

her mouth opens and screams

no sound comes out.

theres not a way out for her.

i turn back around, taking a deep breath to tiredly dress my face with a sense of geniality. perfect i say to myself.

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i drive by the place we used to spend hours at, in the back of the car . up on that shitty hill behind my work.

i still feel the musty hands wrap tightly around my ill-ridden waist. teenage love they say. 

love is hooking up in the back of a Ford F-150 with Joji playing in the background. love is pretending to be infatuated when in reality they want you to get them off. that is all.

you f...

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one touch, two touch enough to get a taste

three touch, four touch enough to feel the waste

five touch, six touch i like you now 

seven touch, eight touch don’t put me down

nine touch, ten touch this is a mistake

eleven touch, twelve touch is this really fake?

thirteen touch, fourteen touch i really need to go

fifteen touch, sixteen touch thank you for the show

light touch,...

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the time he grabbed my ass

he never asked.

just because I'm nice doesn't make it okay

i didn't know what to say I just let it drift away

because who really gives a shit if I was inappropriately touched 

no one. no one cares about anything. this life we live is pointless and people treat other people so poorly for no reason with no shits to give. I don't understand how people can liv...

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bodies

my body

is seen as attractive but sometimes that is all guys see

they want to have sex and leave just because I have a decent body

they don’t care about who I am as a person or what I like to do or any of it

they are just nice to me to use me

and i fall for it

i fall for the fake charm. the elusiveness of being wanted pulls me in and then i face plant when i realize the...

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powdered, light-tinted dust strokes the crevices of her porcelain face.

red liquid plasters the outside of her perfectly shaped lips.

black goo strikes the thick corners of her luscious eyelashes.

the girl staring back at her she does not recognize.

Perfect. Beautiful. Good. the voices in her head say.

A faint smile warms her face;

painted, covered, and disguised in the lies...

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Cut deep into my flesh.

Tear me apart like a pig being slaughtered.

Take my heart and rip it to shreds

Make me feel again.

Tell me endearing lies.

Look into my eyes.

Paint me in the skys.

Take me in between the lines.

Show me your sorrow.

Your pain.

Show me everything.

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It shattered across the floor

I knew this was coming, it was no surprise

I couldn’t take it anymore

Oh, the fire in his eyes

His hand against my neck

His breath against my cheek

I pulled away hoping not to wreck

Yet his presence felt so meek

The way he talked to me

The way he spat on the ground

The way he grabbed my knee;

It had me all turned around

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