Dear Universe,

Why did you give me a flower so beautiful,

then make me watch its petals fall?

Why did you gift me a single seedling,

but forbid me from watering it?

Why did you lead me to the purest of water,

yet poison it with your toxins?

You chuckle to youself

as I try to overcome it,

overpower it,

out determine it,

all the while knowing

deep within the ...

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Why is it that when I'm surrounded by the most people, 

I feel the most alone?

That when I think of the billions of other 

living,

breathing

humans,

I feel a pit in my stomach,

swallowing me up from the inside, 

overpowering me with all-consuming darkness. 

How can a single grain of sand 

feel remembered,

when it looks the same 

as billions of others?

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I tell you

I'll love you no matter what.

I don't care what they think, 

fuck their approval. 

And yet I find myself, 

crawling back.

Plagued with naive hope,

self-loathing weakness. 

A bird plucking its own feathers

one by one. 

Until all that's left

is an ugly mangled mass, 

defeated by its own destruction. 

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