Half term is over we nits are back,

Planning together how best to attack.

Ready to crawl from head to head,

On teachers,children and inspectors from  Ofsted.

We have six legs each with a claw at the end,

We feed on blood and round schools panic  send.

We love thick hair whether dirty or clean,

For attacking us with nit combs,we think humans are mean !

I was...

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I am a nit and I live in a teacher's head,

I go with her everywhere,I even sleep in her bed.

I'm a tiny insect just a couple of mills long,

Her scalp is so clean and I'm so proud to belong.

I lay my eggs in her hair sometimes making her scratch,

I once lived in her boyfriend's head but he was no match.

His hair was really thin and his brill cream didn't taste  nice,

...

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British Gas

British Gas a vulture at large,

Have brought in a ludicrous new charge.

If you have a meter on your site,

They charge you nearly £200 per annum,thats not right !

This charge definately does stink,

Completely unjustified ,they need to rethink.

I've used no gas for a long long spell,

Hence this boiler of fury I do dispel.

Every quarter I get t...

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The Queen's helicopter parachute jump

I wonder what the rest of the world will think,

How far will their opinion of our Olympic ceremony sink.

So much going on hard to pick up on the screen,

A jumble of ideas,a thousand stories,transmitting what has been.

Personally,most of the time I was rigidly bored,

Like watching a football match when no-one has scored.

The...

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Colorado Carnage

Tragedy struck in a cinema in Colorado,

A dozen people killed to satisfy a maniac's bravado.

A further 60 shot and injured as if in a game,

By a young man with just a speeding ticket to blight his name.

A shy loner going through life creating ripples so small,

Becoming immortal as an assasin making him feel so tall.

Hidden in society,invisible ...

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Gentlemen,please take a seat

Gentlemen pee from way up high,

The toilet floor is never dry.

Slippery,slimy and full of germs,

Splashing everywhere with their spouting worms.

A manly thing to be one of the boys,

Is to pee up high and make much noise.

In Swedn a sign reads on a lavatory door,

"Please don't pee on the toilet floor."

A council is considering to regulate...

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Desire

Tom was a taxi driver on his way to pick up a nun,

He'd always wanted to kiss one thought it would be fun.

So he picked her up and looked her in the eye,

Asked her if she wouldn't mind giving it a try.

She asked him if he was married or a Catholic,

He said "No,neither,"this did the trick.

He pulled over to the side and embraced her in a snog,

But sud...

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Hand picked

Speedy Construction had a target to meet,

In a month the shop they were building had to be complete.

But they suddenly hit granite and work had to stop,

They had no picks,serious,no bonus,no shop.

They were next door to a toy shop with life sized teddy bears,

Each holding a pick while sat in their chairs.

They asked the toy shop owner if they could ...

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The swan placid and silent along the canal sails,

Stopping now and then eating plants,worms and snails.

Moves along majestically with his Mrs.

But when he is angry hear how he hisses.

The male and female normally mate for life,

He finds the nesting place leaves the building to his wife.Ha

Swan's nests can be up to four meters wide,

Built of reeds and rushes nea...

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Mable

Rod was out having a meal with his friend Mable,

Mable slowly slipped down her chair and under the table.

Rod seemed calm and unaware that Mable had disappeared,

Concerned about Mable's welfare the waitress interfered.

"Pardon me sir,I believe your wife has just disappeared under the table"!

"No my wife has just walked in,this is my girlfriend and she's calle...

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