The teacher asked the class,"What does coincidence mean?"

Hands up in the air,ready to answer,the  class were  keen.

First opportunity to answer was given to Mat.

Who said.,."That's funny I was just going to ask you that."

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In the town centre I see three birds caged in a shop,

One on a low perch,one in the middle and one at the top

Trying to work out which one owns the cage my brain diligently searches..

Final result,the one at the bottom ,'cos  the other two are on higher perches

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There was once a poet called Bob,

Who unfortunately had to find another job.

He wrote many poems on the way,

But realised that rhyme doesn't pay!!

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I said to the chemist,"Can you make me something up really fast ?"

"Off course,did you know the Prime Minister was in here the night before last ?"

"Did he call in while walking his pup ?"

Chemist answered,"No I just made it up ."

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No winter fuel payments this year,

A freezing future us pensioners fear.

As winter fuel plans unfold,

The shivering aged ,old and cold.

As the  winter cold knocks on our door,

Our banks will not receive this saviour no more.

A plan deployed by our Chancellor Rachel Reeves,

A cold war plan wherby many a family grieves.

The choice between eating and heating we will ...

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Two men on a bus their business background did discuss,

One proudly bragged how he had started a flea circus.

The end of the conversation I intrestingly did catch,

The man admitted  he had started it from scratcb.

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A new neighbour called Pat moved in next door,

Round her house she took me for a tour.

She introduced me to four of her cats,

Their surnames were written on their hats.

Alogue,Erpillar,Astrophy and Aract.

Where did you get those names I did react.

"Oh those are their surnames " said Pat, 

"All their first names are Cat"

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Prices are rising and making everyone really sad,

Fred always boasted how cheap things were when he was a lad.

"My mum would send me to the shop to spend a pound.

I'd get two comics,meat,bread and lots of cakes as I went round.

But you can't do that any more,

With so many cameras in store."

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John sitting in the lounge with his wife decides to come clean.

"I never want to spend the end of my life attached to a machine !

If that ever happens please my love just pull the plug !'

So she gets up from the couch and the telly does unplug.

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Jim read a book,"You can be the man of the house."

He was determined to be in control of his spouse.

Raising his finger to her face,"from now on I am the boss.

Tonight you will make me an expensive  meal , no matter the loss.

When I have finished. your going to run me a bath,

Then you wll massage my back and relax me Kath.

After that guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair...

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Hell is an evil place where we might have to go,

Depending on how much sin into our life does flow.

A place of torment,a furnace of fire,

Everlasting burning both dismal and dire.

A place of suffering ,with weeping and grinding of teeth,

One way roads to hell with no escape from underneath.

How can you escape the punishment of hell on becoming a sinner?

From now on seek t...

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Your emotions might rise and fall,

Twist and turn with coping with it all.

The pain following the loss of a loved one can be immense,

The concentration dealing with the loss of a loved one intense.

Each heart grieves differently when a loved one does die,

 Some might lessen their grief by having a good cry.

Accept support from family and friends according to your needs,

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The end of the world is drawing near,

The presence of selfish,greedy,hateful traits I fear.

Nations seem to be rising against nations and kingdom against kingdom.

Food shortages,epidemics and earthquakes,much more to come.

The end of this system of things is drawing near,

Unfortunately the year,day or the hour is not clear.

The world is passing away ,we grow old and die toge...

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According to a survey British teenagers are the unhappiest in Europe.

There is a deeply worrying picture re their future well being,happiness and hope.

A quater of 15 year olds report having a poor future life satisfaction,

Almost a third of U.k.teenage girls forsee  an unhappy future expectation.

U.K. girls between 10 and 15 frequently feel rejected,

And are forced to look a c...

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Unfortunately there has been a winter fuel raid,

The winter fuel payments to us pensioners will not be paid.

I'm angry,flabergasted and far from alone,

With increases in energy bills on the horizon more reason to moan.

Our country's  splendid army of pensioners are subject to a wicked attack,

Hoping we would accept it and not fight back.

Pensioners are looked upon as sacrifi...

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A chain is only as strong as its weakest link,

Your identity can change quicker than you think.

Possessing a strong identity you are like a firmly rooted tree.

Thus enabling you to  withstand the most powerful storms at sea.

A strong identity will boost your confidence to a great height,

Making you caring,generous,dependable,punctual and bright.

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There once was a grandma called Jill,

Who decided to go on the pill.

Nine daughters of her own she had had,

To having no more grandchildren she was glad.

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Old age is like being in a race,

Being young is wonderful ,really ace.

Old age now I am always looking at the past,

Rather than forwards and worrying how long it will last.

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In the beginning God created the heaven and earth,

And claims ownership to all that it is worth.

God created our planet to survive,

And on it's brilliantly designed foundation will thrive.

God promised that life will live on our planet forever,

And it's foundations will not be moved whatever.

The righteous wiill possses the earth,

And benefit from all that it's worth.

...

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Thieves are becoming bolder armed with weapons to assist,

With products available in so many different places,stealing them is difficult to resist.

Our nation is experiencing an epedemic of retail crime,

Visiting our town centres,I experience it all the time.

A young lad sprints out of an off licence store,

With a box full of free alcholic drinks,enticed to steal more.

A wel...

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Three friends were celebrating on a night out.

Things changed due to what was to come about.

One goes to the bar to purchase the next round,

One friend suddenly falls flat to the ground.

"What's he having?"said the barman pointing to the man on the floor.

"He's driving,he'd better not have anymore!!!"

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When a loved one is stuck in hospital you never know what they will meet.

When. visiting do your best to keep thiings fun and upbeat.

Being in hospital can be lonely,miserable and quite a strain,

Feeling unwell,suffering discomfort and intensive pain.

Patients who are regularly visiited by friends and relations,

Recover quicker and have fewer complications.

Benificial suppor...

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The tide of allied hope our brave soldiers did take,

Quite simply the future of our world was at stake.

The misssion for freedom was breathtaking in scale,

Overwhelming in complexity as tbe brave set sail.

How did the brave survive and cope?

The legacy of D Day was one of hope.

On June the 6th 1944,160,000 young men landed under enemy fire,

On the beaches of  Normandy wit...

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Working as a Samaritan was something I always wanted to do,

Six months into the job I unfortunately got the flu.

As a consequence I tried to call in sick,

But they talked me out of it really quick.

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Nye a prolific drug taker,

And a high ranking law breaker,

To a drug rehabilitating centre was sent.

The judge to overcome his addiction was hell-bent.

After 6 months of positivity the judge said ,"Well.done Nye,

Let's hope you end the year on a high."

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First to arrive at the restaurant I got a table right next to the window,

Minutes later ,my friend a very attractive woman,down the street did go.

I rapped on the window,a gorgeous smile she did give.

She immediately rushed inside and a loving hug she did give.

A man on the next table gave my shoulder a pat,

"Oh my goodness that was impressive,teach me how to do that."

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Visiting a local nursing home of mine,

A gentleman just happened to be celebrating being ninety-nine.

"I haven't an enemy in the whole of this world," he proudly said.

I thought what a beatiful thing to say. He continued."they're all dead."

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It all started in 2021,

When Georgia and Melissa went swimming for fun.

In a Mexican lagoon the twins did swim,

But what happened next turned completely grim.

While swimming Melissa suffered a crocodile attack,

Georgia punched the croc multiple times in a fight back.

Dragged her sister to the shore,

From the jaws of the croc she did deplore.

I am in awe of th...

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Walter worked at the Olympic Stadium picking up litter.

And was very active,compared to his colleagues was much fitter.

Seeing him carrying a long stick I asked him,"Are you a pole vaulter?"

"No I'm Welsh.How did you know my name was Walter?"

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As a child I thought of different ways to have fun,

I stayed up all night to see if I could find the sun.

Many hours passed,where on earth can it be?

Then all of a sudden,it dawned on me.

The dawn is a firm favourite of mine,

A comforter when I experience the shine.

Don't let the shadows of yesterday spoil the sunshine of tomorrow,

Live for today and bury all of the sorro...

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I had a really bad time on stage one night,

All the jokes I told I didn't seem to get right.

Some of the jokes did bring on a very slight smirk,

Told many about the unemployed but none of them  did work.!!

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I walked round the office with a frown,

My job was boring ,it was getting me down.

My. boss told me to have a good day,

So I went home, hopefully on full pay.

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I was out there looking for a new job,

Into the labour exchange I did bob.

To a job interview cleaning mirrors I was going,

It was something I could definitely see myself doing.

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I kept flattening a bump on my newly aquired pumps,

It was annoying,the most uncomfortable of lumps.

I kept putting pressuure on the kink. hoping it would go away,

I decided to return the pair to the dealer ,£100 I did pay.

But one morning the sock on my right foot started to smell,

I pulled up the sole and underneath a dead mouse did dwell!!

My cat regularly brings in ...

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I get up before everyone else on the street,

Sleep deprivation at my age I do meet.

But fortunately an intense eagerness to live draws me from my bed,

Creating positive vibes in my brain to enjoy what lies ahead.

Worrying is the most common function of becoming a fretter,

It is important to acknowledge this and learn to do better.

He who is of calm and happpy nature will har...

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As a photographer I was assigned to take pictures of a roaring forest fire.

A plane at the local airport I had arranged to hire.

At the airport I jumped into the plane and excitedly said ,"let's go."

"Fly over the fire and hover three or four timrs below ."

After taking off the pilot says,"Wby are we doing this over such a devastating fire ?"

"I'm a photographer,"Traumatised.the pil...

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Fred needed a drink after going out for a jog,

Goes into his local and sits next to a dog.

Fred asks the landlord if his dog bites,

Never he's well behaved and never fights.

Fred bends down and gives the dog a stroke,

"Ouch he's bitten me,that's no joke!"

"I thought you said your dog was fine!"

The landlord replied,"That dog is not mine."

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After staring at her grandad's wrinkly old face,

"Grandad,did God make you?"asked 6 year old Grace.

"Yes He did make me a long time ago,"said grandad.

Grace replied,"The fact that He didn't make me I am so glad."

"But Grace He did make you,your a more recent arrival."

"By the grace of God He's done a better job," said Grace "there's been a revival ."

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An officer. pulls over a car due to drink driving,

And asks the driver if he has been out drinking.

"Yes officer ,I have just been to a pub where I had 

numerous drinks,

And then went to another pub where I had seven beers methinks."

"Step out of the car and see what the breath test will be."

"Why's that ,"said. the driver."Don't you believe me?"

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The. Post Office brand cannot survive,

The brand has to be renamed to stay alive.

From becoming the most trusted brand in the land,

It has most definitely become the least trusted brand.

The services thel Post  Office provides should not be lost,

To put things right we must do ,whatever the cost.

The perpetrators up high for their neglect must have to pay,

While the sub-p...

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Fred made a stupid error while acting the goat,

Had to go to the doctor's due to swallowing a ten pound note.

In a panic Fred went to see his doctor in Grange.

Prescribing a laxative,doctor said,''Ring me tomorrow if there's no change."

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Boris tried to get a doctor's appointment as his brain was in a mess.

As we all know it's very difficult to get one in our N.H.S.

"Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible to get over it I don't know how !"

The doctor appologised and said,"I'm sorry I can't see you right now."

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Boris tried to get a doctor's appointment as his brain was in a mess.

As we all know it's very difficult to get one in our N.H.S.

"Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible to get over it I don't know how !"

The doctor appologised and said,"I'm sorry I can't see you right now."

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Everyone get's sad now and then,

But extremely difficult  to predict when.

"I do a good job of hiding my sadness from mum and dad,

It can switch anytime,trouble free one can still get sad."

When sadness holds you firmly in it's grip,

Into the hearts of your parents you must trip.

They can lower a rope and pull you out ,

Knowing what your going through and sort things out.

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Your illness for us all  has been a cruel blow,

You are not alone,down the path of recovery, with you we will go.

"I am well and getting stronger every day."

We your nation will support you all the way.

In the face of adversity you have displayed admirable strength.

Displaying for the protection of your children you will go to any length.

Your video message sat on a bench wa...

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Let's make the world a better place,

Let's cherish the joys that bring smiles to our face.

Send a warm message and end it with a kiss,

May your day be filled with happiness and pure bliss.

Smile,spread happiness and watch the world transform,

Spread it far and wide,let acts of kindness be the norm.

Enjoy every step along the way,

Make happiness your companion every single...

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Men and women have been created with the same mental ability.

The talents of men and women combined bring us stability.

The one way to show respect for women is listening to them,

To their views and thoughts we must favourably react and not condemn.

Women are strong capable and brave,

.A large army of sisters put there for us men to crave.

To listen to them us men must follo...

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One of the best pre bedtime activities you can do,

A warm bath will bring sleep to you.

Your body temperature dips at night,

The cool down you  experience when out creates a body delight.

Meditation can be a key to falling asleep,

Listen to music,relax and breathe deep.

Activities such as reading,watching t.v. and eating in bed should be banned,

As they condition the brai...

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It's amazing what youngsters will get up to.

It has been brought to my attention what they will do.

One drank battery acid,the other eat fireworks,both developed a cough,

Justice was partly served,the police charged one and the other was let off.

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Hunt should have increased the £12,750 tax threshold,

Not doing so a £1000 tax increase for the aged will unfold.

The Tories give £1 and take £10 back.

At the next election us aged will give them the sack.

Older voters will make the Tories pay,

When casting their votes ,will have their say..

Does Jeremy think that we no longer exist after the age of 65?

Forgeting about us...

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