I don't want to push you away

I could ruin everything we have

I'm scared one day you'll see it all

And then you'll leave me to fall

I'm trying so hard to be perfect

I've been fighting all my instincts

It's been better for the most part

With you here with me

The thing I do sometimes

I know they don't make sense

The way my brain ticks

I know it's hard to ac...

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What do you see

When your eyes land on me

What do you fear

When I am near

What is written on the wall

That's guarding you from all

I long to give to you

Do you know

Do you really know

That I would never let you go

Do you understand

I only wish to be with you

In the end

When I look at you

It's like the whole world is new

A better place for all

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I've tried to write this

Fifty times over

Each time I get closer

But somehow still miss

I miss something

In what I want you to know

I miss something

In saying I don't want to let go

If this is goodbye

Then say it now

I'll give up the fight

I'll let you walk out

And forever

I'll miss

You

I've loved you like no other

I've never held...

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And all at once

We revisted the site

Where the wounded lie

We examined their injuries

Doing our best to determine

If they were fatal

It requires a detached rationale

It laughs in the face of pure emotion

For life is smarter than you think

Forever your opponent

Even when pretending

To be a friend

For life brought me you

Star crossed

And ...

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She made her mistake, she asked for it, hell she had it coming

The words spilled out before she had a chance to catch them

She was in the wrong, only one way to see it

The view on the other side of the belt

Black and blues on her skin will fade

She’s branded by the ones on her heart

In a world where we are taught, to speak for what’s right

She was wronged

It was j...

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My mistakes

and all the painful memories,

they've changed the way I think,

changed what I believe.

And when I doubt,

when I think I'm all I need

when I hope the world can't see me,

there's safety in your voice

and a smile in your eyes.

How'd I wind up here?

With you by my side.

And when I can't explain,

when I lose my grip,

when I make excuses

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Looking from a mountain,

absorbing the view.

The world of endless possibility

blessing your senses,

just for that second.

And the pressure of the air

as you're plummeting

vacuum sealing your breath.

Every millisecond broken down,

watching every memory float away.

All your thoughts.

The ones you never spoke,

will never have to be spoken.

All you...

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They were the deciding factor

Of a good or bad day

Of whether I was okay

If we were okay

They could change my mood

Stop me in my tracks

Jumble my mind

Blind me from the truth

Like heroin

I was their addict

Ephemeral pleasure

Everlasting poison

By the end

I was weak

Lost

Stripped of all identity

And they appeared

In my dreams

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Walking along

The steping stones

All laid out

Like a yellow brick road

all signs pointing

To happy

Walking along

My eyes look

Far ahead

That's the problem

With the girl

Who's always got a plan

Yellow brick road

Should've had a warning sign

It's not all sparkles

And butterflies

With a good chance

I wouldn't reach the other side

An...

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Something has changed,

Not in the usual way:

The natural adjustment,

The evolution of life.

No, this something,

It's foreign to my mind.

Oh wanderer of new lands,

On an unwalked path.

As fog clears,

Unveiling the whole trail,

"X" marks the spot,

The same spot it always has.

But this journey

To meet it,

It was written in invisble ink,

Only to appear

W...

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You say a little too much,

And I think a little too much;

Jumping to my own

Conclusions

Stone to stone.

Our love,

Like a floor of lava,

But I’m the only one who gets burned

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You and your trust issues

Me and mine

You have your fears

And your doubts

About me

And I have mine

But every time

We try to rationalize

And prove to each other

That the pieces don't fit

The sentences get left

Unfinished

Back and forth

Like whiplash

Seeing how far I'll go

Until I look back

Keeping me comfortable

At a distance

Have...

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The snake

It slithers around me

Putting on a show

As if I'm in control

But little do I know

It's charming me

Hypnotized

I give myself over

Allowing the fangs

To pierce my flesh

The venom

Paralyzing me

Smiling proud

At the feat

Begins the retreat

Into the grass

Disappearing

From my vision

I thought this

This was the test

To ...

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I fell

Hard

To the ground

And when I stood

You bandaged me up

And took me home

Made me

Promise

I’d never leave

And when I stood

You were halfway

Out the door

I fell

Hard

To the ground

For your words

And empty truths

Made me

Promise

I’d never leave

And when I stood

You were halfway

Out the door

I fell

Hard

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My hands is where it starts

The heat of the fire

Ignited there

My fingers betrayed me

Now with a mind

Of their own

They torment me

Driving me insane

Slowly

My heart starts to race

A speed my body isn’t

Prepared for

My blood runs everywhere

With a temperature

Way too high

They torture me

Crippling my movements

Immediately

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I rely on sleep

It’s the only thing

To keep thoughts at bay

Hours when my mind

Releases its grip

That strangles my sanity

Now, in its own

Sick and twisted way

Keeps sleep at bay

My mind is evolving

Tightening its grip

And slaughtering my sanity

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There were tears

Rolling down my face.

I never was a pretty crier,

So I looked away.

Heard your voice

Over my heavy breathing,

Crying harder when you said

You weren't leaving.

I hold tight to everything;

Knuckles white from my grip.

If I let go, even a little,

My whole world could slip.

I've been afraid, though,

To hold onto you.

My heart ga...

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Did you ever think

As you slandered my name

Did you ever feel a thing

While you were slithering

Were you ever authentic

While I wore your scarlet letter

Thank God I found my shades

To block out the sun

Blinding me from the truth

I see you puffing your chest

Showing your bright feathers

Like I have no self control

As if it’s biology calling

Now watch...

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I thought I had changed

I thought I was better

I thought I beat it

I thought I fixed it

But here I stand

Trying to be tall

Knowing I am so small

The world pressing down

I’m scared again

Swore I never would be

And no one likes it

No one wants to hear it

So keep it hush

Keep it low

Don’t want to be

The girl who cried wolf

But until ...

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Letter to you,

Words of wisdom,

If I may.

Don’t fall for the irony

That my reflection

Lacks a map of my life.

My beautiful child,

Let me remind you,

That every time you smile,

Every drop of laughter

That you place in this world,

Means something,

To someone,

Somewhere,

Somehow.

Let’s remember

That people do

Amazing things each day.

Now not to di...

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What was going through your head?

What was running through your mind?

It's the one thing I'll never understand;

How you could just walk away and leave me behind

Didn't leave a trace, no reason to be found.

Just taken away and never reunited.

Do you understand the pain I've written across my heart;

When you took away from me, everything I had.

I was just a child, I...

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I want a smile

That appears unknowingly.

One that spreads across his face,

Like the sunset in the sky,

Every time he hears my name.

I want eyes

That won’t turn away

When I show my scars.

Ones that can see

Through the walls I put up.

I want a voice

That will support me

And encourage my dreams.

One that knows what words

Will bring me back to realit...

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I built my walls,

Denying their existance,

Defending them,

When I no longer could.

I grew comfortable,

In my self created,

Safe Space.

No one could hurt me,

'Cause no one could get in.

Couldn't learn to rely on them,

'Cause I couldn't trust them.

But you,

With you,

Everything's different.

Everything seems

So much easier.

The clench,

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I have many scars

You can’t see in the light

Behind my smile

Is a world of pain

Constant battle

With myself

Whether it’s worth it

To try anymore

‘Cause in the dark

I introduced you

To every part of me

Showed you everything

When the sun came up

The truth came out

And without a doubt

I’m unloveable

Should’ve known

Never should’ve...

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Those words

All the ones I wrote

Like band aids

Across the wounds

You left all over me

All the words

That flooded out of me

Aligning themselves

In comprehendible lines

And organized stanzas

They helped dry my tears

Allowed me to forget

Gave me the strength

To move forward

Providing a closure

That didn’t require you

And I forgave myself

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