I get nostalgic for a kind of suffering 
That lingers on the fingertips of broken words 
and half lit cigarettes 

Of forgotten fallacies 
That trip on the existential drip 
Of lyrics lost to pens without ink 

Of wine glasses, filled to the brim 
And bags of freedom 
Found between sirens fingertips 

Of desire for change 
Out of habits that just stay the same 
And cycles that repeat...

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09.10.21

I'm not a broken vase 
Not pieces put back together with golden glue 
Not some fragile, broken thing
You can't cut yourself on me anymore. 

You kept trying to hold me together 
To put flowers in me and show me off, so proud 
But I'm not a vase, 
Never was 

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28.09.21

It gets better, 

a friend once said

You’re not a bad person 

Shouldn’t wish you were dead 

Everyone is their own worst critic, 

He said to me 

And when he needs an ear, 

I listen intently 

We swap stories, 

One back and one forth 

Lighten the load, 

Keep each other on course

When friends are down 

I feel it too

When people are sa...

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29.09.21

You won’t go to therapy 

Your clothes everywhere

It is because your Daddy never cared?

Run away from your problems

Change friends all the time 

Is that why you smoke weed all the time?

Sheets unwashed 

And wine every day 

No wonder you pushed all your friends away 

Video games are a way of life 

Abandoning problems

like it depends on...

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19.04.21 

These arms are not mine 
Legs dissconnected 
From a body that doesn't belong to me 

Hands that touch but do not feel a thing 
Eyes that look but see right through 
And a mouth that talks, disconnected from me

Dissociated states 
Keep me away from me
Bring me home 
Put me back in my body please

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03.04.21 

Empty spaces 
Filled to the brim 
With everything that won't make you feel 
The same as you did before 

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April 2021 

This train will stop 
When you get off 
Till then keep riding 

Round in circles you go 
Around a track, never ending 
Till you get off and go 

Filling your veins 
With things of all kinds 
Caffeine and cigarettes, 
They'll do just fine 

Fill your lungs 
With every kind of poison 
And stare out the window longingly 
Wondering why life stays the same 

If it's sta...

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02.04.21 

Heart so fast I'd rival a mouse 
Darting eyes, fast breath
Don't look at me now 

Checking my phone so often 
It's hot in my hands 
Don't get too close 
Especially if you're a man 

My hands shake with fear 
And my breath quick with worry 
My leg taps a song 
Like it's also in a hurry 

I jump at the sight 
Of shadows on pavement 
Can't sleep at night 
Sick with worry...

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15.03.21 

I'm in my body for tonight 
Present in my head 
And my fingers and my toes 

But what of when the tide turns 
And we shift into dissociated states

Clinging to anything that gets me away from me
Holding space for anything that is an escape 

I'm in my body for tonight 
But tonight is not forever 
So enjoy is while is lasts 

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24.09.20 

Tick tick tick 
Tap tap tap 
The clock ticks down 
On an inevitable time bomb 
That is my collapse 

You're the only thing keeping me together 
A solid foundation 

You never let me down 
Or abandon me 
Coz there's nothing you need from me 
Except perfection 

Show up at meetings 
Plan everything 
Be everything, for everyone 

I can be a wreck 
But I'm the perfect p...

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24.09.20 

She's a lot 
Too much 
For her self 
Or anybody else 

Keep giving 
And pouring 
Into a never ending void 

Keep loving 
The unlovable 
And I'll tear you apart too 

You sampled the poisen 
And it tasted so sweet 
Just enough to make you sick 

Stay with me 
If you want 
I won't beg 

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16.09.20

Empty space 
A hole to fill up 
A vacant vessel 
An empty lot 

This soul is for rent
At the cheapest price 
Give me joy, give me compliments 
And I'll make your night 

A house made a home 
And weekends made perfect 
Just tell me I'm pretty 
Make me feel worthy 

But take it away and I'll tear don these walls 
Rip this house to the ground 
And spit on the floor 

My...

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31.08.21

I was waging war on my body before it had even fully grown 
No respect for the temple that houses my soul 
With cuts, and drugs and other people's limbs
I have shown her little she is respected 
And expected her to carry on as though she were

Countless sleepless nights and 'just one more drink' 
And I have pushed her to her limit 
She's crying out for acknowledgement
No more ...

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27.07.20

I am a shattered vase 
Pieces picked from the floor 
And placed back together.
Sharp broken shards 
Holding on with everything I've got
Just trying to keep the water in 
Pretending I'm in tact 
Not a shattered broken thing 

From afar I'm a vase 
Unlike any other 
Proudly displaying flowers of many kinds 
But get too close and you can see my cracks
Try to touch me and you ...

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July 2020

Find your vibe
Look for your tribe 
Listen with intention 
And learn the lessons that the universe wants to tell you 

Open your eyes 
The one in your mind 
Look for the truth 
It's all around

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26.07.20

Droplets fall 
And puddles pool
And I am feeling the chill of lonliness 

Thunder claps 
And rainfall quickens to a roar 
And my words fall on deaf ears 

The birds are hiding away 
And the sun won't come out to play 
And we are emotional strangers in our own home 

How many times can we talk about the same thing without it changing? 
How many rainy days will there be
Bef...

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27.06.20 

Days spent doing nothing 
Are not a waste at all 
Time to replensh 
And let sparkle restore 

Charge your phone 
Charge your batteries 
Why not yourself?
So wrapped in productivity 
You forget to charge yourself

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June 2020

Deep unquenchable thirst
that permeates my teeth,
And tickles like a feather
grazing a phantom limb.
Scatches like a itch
in a place you can't reach
Claws at your willpower
and begs
for just 
one
more

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May 2020

Never have I ever 
Loved someone with my whole heart 
Until you 

Loving was a game I wanted to win 
Who can care less? 
Who'll leave first?
Who needs the other least?
One foot out the door 
And I always "won"

Sometimes I fall 
Into old habbits 
And down well worn paths 

But one look and I'm done 
Preparred to lay down my sword 
Head on the chopping block 
And heart...

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19.05.20

I must be soft spoken but outspoken
Have I got that right?
Opinionated by reverant 
Am I correct?

Brave and independent whilst right by your side
A perfect listener who contributes just the right amount to make you feel heard 

I must be loyal and dedicated 
Present 
But not when you're busy 

A perfect girl in your perfect world 
Who you'll make into your perfect wife 
...

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05.05.2020

I can feel you're scared. 
Anxiety a rubber band wound tightly around your heart 
Dread like nails pinning down your feet where you stand 
Despair, sitting in your stomach, churning evermore 

You carry sadness around on you 
It poisens your words 
Flattens your hair
Wrinkles your clothes 

The sad stench of it radiates through your pores 
And if I can take it away, 
If I...

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People need people, 
Compassion brings change
Ideas fly 
Magic happens

Energy is never created or destroyed 
It is passed between people 
Shared between friends 
Rubbed together and transferred
Like hair to a balloon 

I'll take some of your sadness 
You share some of my joy 
And together we might just float 

We'll balance each other out and cruise down the river 
Two bottles bob...

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06.04.20

A circular ceremony
A weighted embrace

Flowing free and being me
Living for the spin and feeling weightless in its flow

Inside this circle no one can touch me and I am whole
The centre of my own universe connected to the earth and the sky 
A child playing in a hoop

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25.03.20

A warm wired cage 
Flickering with heat 
And the promose of a future filled with family 

An empty room of an empty man waiting for life 
And a question from a little girl, 
"Where is all the furniture?" 

A backyard and a garden 
A family of merry
A birthday party torn asunder by a virus 
And a little girl crying in her bed alone 

A Christmas filled with trampolines
Box...

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25.03.20

When your brain is used to trickery 
It eats itself alive
Deceit is all you know 
And the way you have survived 

Be vigilant with friends
And vigilant with foes 
On guard for lies so constantly 
Analysis in tow

Are they truthful in their words?
Your brain it analyses
Putting piece and piece together 
A puzzle it disguises 

There's a slip says your mind 
Some evidence...

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A book all of my own
Where ideas have a place to play 
Weary thoughts a place to rest 
And ideas a place to ponder. 

Pages bound by glue and press 
Waiting for a friend to give them meaning
A purpose oh so simple 
Yet so profoundly special to me

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25.03.20

Thunder rumbles and I wonder
What change will this bring?
The sky darkens, and clouds swell 
Pregnant with the promise of rain 
A single drop begins to fall 
And our apcalypse garden sings with new life
 

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09.03.20

It's in these moments of haste 
That I find solitude 
With a mind so busy 
This is the time to stop and be still 

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14.02.2020

My hope for you 
Is that you may feel 
All the love that I have felt 

May you feel the joy that resides within 
Every ounce of your existence 
May your cup overflow
With the wholeness of loving existence 

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25.03.2020

The revolving door of frienships hurts
When it clips you on the way out 
Empty words fall on dead ears 
And two people are left broken 

Where did it all go wrong?
Both too afraid to ask 
Both too kind to tell the truth 

How do you tell someone who was once your dearest confidant 
That their cals now fill you with loss 
Phone rings and you see their name and panic 
Unret...

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13.03.2020

I enter a room I've been in before
A happy place of lentils and laughter 
Cushions don the floor 
An inviting circle awaits me

Two spots hold our names
A friend I'm not sure remembers me 
And a circle of people all anxious to grow 

Here by habbit or happy accident, 
curiosity and the lie
Phones at their sides
Poems at the ready 
 

Who will be our next brave poet?
S...

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13.03.2020

You're the first thing I ever knew 
The first sounds I ever heard 
The first movement
First heartbeat
First meal
First love 

Your womb was my home and in it I built my existence 
In you I grew and gew
And through you I met myself 

I am to you
As the light is the dark 
The seed is the flower
The rain is the ocean 

Your cells are mine 
And through you I exist 

Yo...

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12.03.2020

My brain is like a blender, 
Fragments of ideas
Frustrated fragments whipping around
Fighting for a place of their own 
And tossed to the next side of the cup before they even have a chance to...
Wizzzzz 

Onto the next thing 
It's all so important
Focus Lauren, write a poem
Oh wait, you already did.

Your own worst critic
If it's not perfect it's not good 
If it's not ...

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