just a bit of wine
but now i'm lying
flat out in a straight line
face pressed against the cold tile
looking over to catch your smile 
because we both know 
we'll be here for awhile
and that's just fine
i start to cry 
because, damn
it's a beautiful sight
right?

you loving me for me
it's crazy
both of us forever free 
to be whoever 
we want to be
and we still pick 
one another
...

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you know that 
I wear my crazy
on my sleeve.

it's best if 
you just 
let me be.

aren't there other
train wrecks 
for you to go 
and see?

if you really 
love me,
then leave.

because there
isn't anything
here but me. 

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external validation
it's your drug of choice

it starts with 
gold stars for
good behavior 

the seed to please
it just grows and grows
into a wild jungle vine

gold stars turn into
compliments and "likes"
it feels so nice
but it's not

because you 
need it
more and more
you have to
win the award

it controls you
and you don't
even know
who you
are anymore

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buried among 
other favorites
you sing to me
about the girl
I used to be
reckless
oblivious 
preoccupied with
my own pain
so naive

I dreamed then
I was naked 
I dream now
I'm behind the
steering wheel  
but the car's 
driving me
out of control
out to sea

I hear your voice
and I want you
to come over
and wrap your 
arms around me

but then, too soon
the music changes 
...

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sweetest girl
my greatest joy is
watching your 
imagination grow
I'm honored to 
be a spectator to 
how it unfolds 

even when it frightens you
because that unfortunately 
is the cost of creativity

but don't try to stop it
that will only weigh down 
your effervescent spirit
that would only mix your 
true colors to ashy grey

I'll hold your hand
walk you through 
the gravel and...

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you're used to the game
we're all guilty of playing

when she doesn't really 
mean what she's saying

but, oh no, love, not me

I want to know your soul
what song does it sing?

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i hope your 

i hate you's

turn into

thank you's

and your

fuck you's

turn into

love you's 

one day

even though

you hurt so

i hope you 

see what I do

one day

I'm selfish

it's true

I don't want

to lose you

pressed pause 

hopeful to make time

for you to realize

you're not that small

i'm sorry for my haste

i know h...

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the sun glows 

it's too much

but this rain

it knows 

i feel it

even though

it’s your hurt

and you're so

far away

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trapped inside

the invisible cage

that confines me

coated in sweet vanilla

that satisfies their taste

plastered with beautiful images

that bring them comfort

but constructed with irons of

uncertainty

fear

shame

not what I really am 

underneath it all

behind the wall

I'm still here

with the real

but I'm slowly losing

my might

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my legs are closed now

so it's all through to you

you say:

what a night

you're fantastic

well

that was fun

while it lasted

I say:

oh yeah

well 

go on now

get gone

but despite my efforts

to deny it

to hide it

my young heart

is ripped open,

in two 

because

it's through 

wondering your answers 

to the questions

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Fantasy has always been

my Achille’s heel

You’re just an ideal

with sex appeal

Not real

A sticky note somewhere

Reminds me to be aware

of what’s next to do

Instead

my bad habit I pursue

Getting lost in a daydream

featuring you

We live on different continents

You don’t even know I exist

Yet I still imagine the 

taste of your kiss

Y...

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I miss

the slow dances

the awkward glances

the heat of the chase

the pace to anticipate

as the world stops, unwinds

when you find

yourself

falling in love

for the first time. 

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They said my lines were weak

So I learned not to speak

     I decided not to speak 

Now the lines are stuck in my mind

Driving me insane

Stay in your lane

I'm a girl who loves to dance

Yet too afraid to give it a chance

Utterly bored with myself

Wishing to purely connect

Aching for 

the courage

the tools

the words 

To get out of this rut

...

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