Travel Bag
Unpacking all that it can carry,
grief finds a destination in my thoughts.
It chooses the spaces where it wants to be.
It’s not being brash, or intentionally unkind.
Memories, the ensemble within,
seek to be worn, over and over.
Buttoned close to me as love perseveres.
Saturday 30th December 2023 4:58 pm
Lost and Found
She was talking about a time
when she had a few too many,
and had no idea where she was.
In a dark alley, exposed and vulnerable.
Her youth speaking, shrugging away the danger
she was in that night, but with the insight of reflection
said, “We all get lost at some point in our lives.
Places where even the wind is afraid to go.”
Tuesday 26th December 2023 3:22 pm
Approximate Fool
Love might have been there somewhere.
In between your elsewhere days.
But you made me guess
most of the time. I resented you for it.
And I was terrible at both.
Thursday 21st December 2023 4:55 am
Bedtime Conversation
What would you have done, if when we first met,
I’d said we would someday sleep with 3 small dogs,
as we do now? Would you have said thank you,
nice to meet you, have a nice life and ended our date?
Silly question, I suppose, knowing you now as I do.
I prefer to think you would have more likely said,
Just three? Let’s get a fourth as soon as possible!
“Did your ...
Tuesday 19th December 2023 4:40 pm
A Walk At Dusk
The water near the shore is uncommonly still.
Reflecting an uncertain sky like a mirror.
Small clouds stirred by an impatient breeze.
Below, the blazing-white egrets,
set against lesser and envious hues,
eagerly search for their evening meals.
Their spindle-like legs, lifting gracefully
and purposefully, one after another,
working in concert to find what their ...
Wednesday 13th December 2023 8:18 pm
Second Thoughts About Cremation
I wish there was a physical place to visit.
A place I know I could always find you
to let you know how we are doing.
And maybe to keep you from being lonely
down there among the departed.
Though in this place I’d be climbing
a precarious cliff, trying to get up and over the top
to the other side of without and disquiet.
Once there, I know you’d ask me to stay.
Friday 8th December 2023 6:59 am
The Forgiveness of Dogs
My wife puts on classical music for the dogs
when she leaves, hoping it will help them
forgive her absence while she is away.
Sometimes she doesn’t do this for them;
when they pee in the house, for instance.
Though her anger about this sort of thing is brief.
Let me explain:
When she comes through the door
their tails are always furiously wagging,
the universal sign of canine acquit...
Saturday 2nd December 2023 2:48 pm
Bike Ride
Riding our bikes along the levy trail,
the willow tree’s branches
hang low over the path
in the early afternoon haze.
I reach up like a thief
to grab a handful of leaves,
mischievously tossing them up in the air.
As they scatter and float in the wind
behind me, riding through them,
she reaches out to capture a few.
Later, the rescued leaves
are a...
Tuesday 28th November 2023 1:20 am
Cleaning Up After You
I sometimes feel your absence as if it were dust,
easily disturbed by currents of sorrow,
only to settle on the remnants you left behind.
With some effort, I sweep the delicate memories
into a bin that is never full, so you won't worry that I'm okay.
Friday 24th November 2023 5:08 am
Bodega Bay
The coffee maker is sounding
its’ morning music in late November.
Without mercy, always the hardest
working appliance when we are here.
A grey and overcast sea our frequent companion;
considered through rain-spattered windows
from hit-and-run squalls at first light.
The shorebirds, restless and racing
the foaming surf back and forth.
Familiar friends we will visit soon enough.
The ...
Sunday 19th November 2023 4:20 pm
Three Sentence Breakup
You were content knowing someone
would be there with you in the morning.
I found calm in knowing
it would have to end
between misplaced hearts.
Cinders burning without flame.
Friday 17th November 2023 1:01 am
Grandma's Cellar
My brother and I captured insects
to watch them squirm on the tin cellar door.
A merciless ordeal in the humid summer heat.
A cruelty of young boys I’m still trying to forgive.
Down in the cellar, were dust-covered shelves
lined with jars of fruits and vegetables of all kinds.
The dark and the dust and the musty smell
fired our imaginations. Instead, we saw shrunken hea...
Friday 10th November 2023 4:43 pm
Precarious Times
Looking back though, I found comfort
in ephemeral things. Birds flying in formation,
off to southern climes. Wood from a fire,
always destined to be embers.
None of these things lingered
beyond their established purpose,
but they were always predictable,
offering modest shelter
from your meandering heart.
Sunday 5th November 2023 11:54 pm
Words and Paper
If I were a poet and could write in a fine hand
I'd write her a letter only she'd understand.
I'd write it down by the shore
where the water helps articulate so much.
I tell her of my desire to pen something beautiful for her,
but she says I needn't bother to write anything down.
She already knows the words I would place on the paper.
Sunday 29th October 2023 11:37 pm
Laugh Attack
I attack the treacherous malady
with a persistent sense of humor.
A spirit I am bound to by need of faith
in its’ ability to keep the wild-eyed dogs at bay.
It's one of my best defenses.
One not quantifiable in lab tests.
I use it every day without fail
to seal the darkness at the borderlands of thought,
and laugh at the hapless incongruity of it all.
As far...
Thursday 26th October 2023 4:42 pm
Last First Date
“Dinner might be awkward
if we don't care for each other.
Maybe coffee would be better for this.”, she said
with tactical honesty over the phone.
“Let's do that.”, I offered.
“I'll suggest dinner afterwards.
If we both agree, it’ll be a good sign
things are going well.”
Over coffee, her eyes seemed to smile.
“You brought me chocolates!
How did you know about my addiction?”
“Somet...
Saturday 21st October 2023 11:45 pm
War Talk
War Talk
"I see you on the other side
of our parents' intolerance and violence.
I think we could be friends somewhere else."
"Can we go there sometime soon?"
"I don't know if it's possible, but I hope so.
I have to go now I hear more rockets coming.
So, I'll see you tomorrow I hope."
"I'd like that very much."
-Image Artist: Banksy
Friday 13th October 2023 1:34 am
Finishing the Farewell
I’m worried about the ashes now,
as I try and make my peace
with dispersing what is left behind.
How will I know which ashes
listened to my troubles?
Which were part of her smile?
All I can really be certain of
is love will cast who she was
over the welcoming sea,
along the North Coast,
where she would want to be.
Sunday 8th October 2023 4:10 pm
Red Leaves
I happen upon the crimson display.
The leaves are in the process
of completing their purpose,
but still giving to those who see them.
I accept their gift without hesitation,
and will welcome back their kindred
come Spring, and all they will offer.
Wednesday 4th October 2023 4:23 pm
Burying the Dragonfly
It lie there near our planted flowers,
where it passed. Done with all the insect things
a dragonfly must attend to in the brief time it has.
And those wings! Like stained glass panels
still shimmering in the early Fall light!
Our dogs were curious too, but maybe
more interested in the motionless creature’s value
as a snack, or possibly something to play with – ewww!
...Wednesday 27th September 2023 4:55 pm
Family Reunion
With open displays of love and laughter,
and affection still in the fore,
a family friend admired how it all seemed
and felt so genuine, so at ease after all these years.
“This is how families should be.”, she observed.
But she couldn’t see the crimes and misdemeanors
of the past, and the forgiveness behind them.
Later, we cut the September celebration cake
and shared it with all who w...
Wednesday 20th September 2023 2:47 pm
How I Learned to Dislike Fishing - For Anything!
I remember turtle fishing with my grandfather
when I was a kid. We went around the lake in his boat,
checking the huge and fearsome hooks he used.
He pulled one up with the bait gone, the hook bent almost straight.
Later on, that very hot, Midwest summer day, he couldn’t seem to understand
why my brother and I didn’t want to go swimming there.
I recall thinking it ...
Friday 15th September 2023 4:14 am
A Few Things I Like
Your disheveled hair
before ten in the morning,
while taking our first sips of coffee
on the deck with our dogs nearby.
The fragrance of your neck;
especially when it’s not from a bottle.
Delicate, original, and only yours.
Your sadness for old shoes
left in the weather, forgotten and worn,
while trying them on again to give them hope.
And blaming m...
Wednesday 6th September 2023 3:12 pm
Seeing Red
You, the fire, immersed in burning it all
with the heat of a blue-white flame
aimed at my good intentions.
There was no comfort there.
Where love was sought
I found wolves at the door.
Sunday 3rd September 2023 3:25 pm
Clever Artifice
My heart sometimes lies to me.
It says things it knows I want to hear,
knowing full well I will believe.
The constructions it builds there
tell me love isn’t a burden.
But here I am, fooled once again,
as grief returns to collect its price.
Sunday 27th August 2023 2:40 pm
Misfire of the Heart
Her feelings and attachments
always felt messy.
Wild and uncharted too.
Attending to them was work for us both.
Broken sometimes works out,
but I had to walk away this time.
Not because I didn't care,
but I just couldn't breathe underneath
the weight of all her damage.
Thursday 17th August 2023 2:36 pm
Improvements
In the past, she smiled
because in the moment
it seemed like the right thing to do.
There was a labor to it.
Her new smile is an improvement;
it doesn't have effort behind it.
Maybe I had something to do with this,
but I want to be the reason for it now.
Tuesday 15th August 2023 1:53 am
Lighter Weights
An elderly woman I know well,
carries some burdens with contentment;
compassion and empathy, to be more specific.
She tells me she doesn't mind their weight
because they always give back to her,
but in ways that really cannot be held.
Nevertheless, she welcomes their influence.
Her constant companions; she charges no fare
for the comfortable rooms she keeps for them.
Thursday 10th August 2023 9:50 am
Being Sure
She always says "I love you Button."
I sometimes say "You’re like the end of a good day."
She often smiles when I say this and asks,
“Which parts though? I like to know,
so I can be sure of what I did right."
And I can't stop telling her about all of them.
Tuesday 8th August 2023 2:51 pm
Cut Flowers
She had broken pieces when we met.
Some of the shards piercing her still,
revealing a disquiet of scars.
Love, the brigand that put them there.
When I gave her cut flowers
she had no chance of seeing
the field of understanding and tenderness
from which they came.
Saturday 29th July 2023 3:56 pm
Navigators
A friend of mine recently broke up
with his girlfriend of many years.
She had a young son when they met.
He had become a loving father to the boy.
But the boy’s mother, as it turned out,
was never really in the relationship
for the long term; other reasons it seemed.
I visit him at his place of work
where people who collect things frequent.
Lately, we haven’t ...
Thursday 27th July 2023 2:50 pm
The Difference
After showing me the difference
between being stupid at love
and being stupid in love,
I realized I didn't want anything from you,
just everything with you.
Saturday 22nd July 2023 7:58 pm
Jose Cuervo and Friends
I taught you to drive in my five-hundred-dollar car
with power everything from Detroit.
Some of it still worked, if coaxed.
The fucking brakes were so sensitive
I hit my head on the dash
when you pressed the pedal too hard.
The car stopped, but not my memories.
We drove to the beach at night
and launched bottle rockets out into the sea
from the pitted chrome f...
Thursday 13th July 2023 7:50 pm
The Last Time We Spoke
I didn't want to be angry.
I didn't want to sort the differences
between the wounds that had been dressed,
and those that were abandoned.
Was it our intention
to give up on the remains?
I'm not sure, but it will always be
how I think of you, and how empty
the second chances left us.
Friday 7th July 2023 1:14 pm
Personal Effects
The things I kept I put away for a time.
Photographs, and other small items that clung to grief.
I kept them at a distance. A kind of shelter
until time made them possible to face again.
I realized, after the immediacy of pain and loss,
that I wasn’t going to let it be about being empty
or deserted, for which I’ve been grateful,
but that it would be about the love tha...
Tuesday 4th July 2023 6:06 am
Waves, Again
The only way to say goodbye now
is to struggle with the grief as it comes.
It crests and subsides, again and again.
As it is at the shore,
the surf leaves the sand altered
but not washed away.
Wednesday 28th June 2023 5:26 pm
A Mean One
Thinking about you back then,
leaving you always seemed a possibility.
I barely escaped with my ability to care about love.
My comfort being alone frightened you the most.
You couldn’t change the monsters you imagined
lurking behind what I was at peace with.
Staying together was always
what you wanted to talk about.
But at the time, I knew I'd rather drive a truck.
Friday 23rd June 2023 2:07 pm
Stones Into Diamonds
You said I love you for the first time
as you stepped from my car;
in a hurry to check us in at the crowded restaurant
while the car and I were headed for the gravel lot.
In that brief moment my hobnailed pause,
unintendedly cruel, must have made you feel
you had betrayed your vulnerable heart.
I considered your courage as you hesitated.
Disarmed by your words, but with clarity in the ...
Thursday 22nd June 2023 3:31 pm
Trabajador Agricola
I pulled off the two-lane California Highway.
Searching for my independence at seventeen.
The sign said:
FRUIT CUTTERS WANTED - $1.50 PER CRATE!
The Mexican women were no doubt puzzled
by the presence of someone so young –
and white, if I’m being honest,
whose blisters and cuts would likely be plentiful
by the end of the warm summer day.
The elderly w...
Thursday 15th June 2023 4:23 pm
They're Just Weeds
I hear someone say this,
pointing to the random plants
growing free and wild along the trail.
These “weeds” have flowers of amber,
crimson and violet. Beauty that has much to express,
but maybe too faintly in a clamorous world.
But this is why we love this path.
All the raiment of flora is exactly this; untended,
free to find its way to where it will be
...Friday 9th June 2023 3:25 am
Mountain Visit
I might have been around ten or eleven years old,
visiting relatives in their Appalachian Mountain home.
We could not wait until the fireflies began
their summer night’s performance, as I recall.
The view from my reflections returns me there.
Our great-aunt picks up a slow-moving, winged beetle
and shows us how to carefully tie a thread to its back leg
and watch it fly in...
Thursday 1st June 2023 4:07 pm
Little Hates
They've served me well, and comfortably.
These small, everyday biases and prejudices.
Still, I want to find a way to break away from them.
Away from these little sways
before they become immense.
It's not going to be easy.
They always exact a price,
on myself and others.
I hope I haven't waited too long
and that it's not too late.
Monday 29th May 2023 5:38 am
Bon Mot
Our weekend on the coast
lies just a few miles ahead.
The cows we pass to our right
continue chewing their indifference.
She knows it's coming again.
"First bovine sighting: 3:15pm.
Some call them cows.", I say
with all the silliness I can muster.
My overused quip
still sparks a very slight beam
in her indulgent eyes.
"That look, right there!"...
Thursday 25th May 2023 1:21 pm
Redwood Counselors
I didn't earn it at first.
Love was like wind.
I could sense it all around her,
but I could not see any use for it.
Still, with patience, we walked
in tall stands of trees together.
Ones that had been there for so long,
red-barked and towering with wisdom.
The branches quivered and stirred
as we passed their anchored homes.
Murmurs perhaps, of their disco...
Friday 19th May 2023 2:41 pm
Secret Panel
Sorting through belongings
a good friend left behind,
I encountered a secret panel
in the back of a dusty book shelf.
Behind it was a collection of anime figurines.
All female, plastic and scantily clad, of course.
While admiring the details
of these strange but beautiful things,
his mother stepped into the room.
I was red-faced, caught in the act!
She simply smiled with a knowing lo...
Friday 12th May 2023 4:18 pm
Tree Hugger
I don't know your names.
I'm horrible at botany,
you flowers and trees
with views of the low hills to the west.
I adorn them with my own monikers
when I walk among them.
I don't mean to offend, and it seems they don't mind.
They are familiar acquaintances,
so I tell myself they are probably happy
to be called something.
Yellow Top Plant,
Crooke...
Tuesday 9th May 2023 5:09 am
What May Be Ours
Dipping your toes in the spring,
I held your hand there.
Later, I showed you how to skip a rock across the water.
The joy on your face when you got it just right,
I will never forget.
To our right, a murmur of starlings
blacked out our piece of the sky.
It wasn't theirs to have, nor was it ours.
As the feathered swifts swirled away,
we saw the early ...
Friday 5th May 2023 7:42 am
Theories from the Micro-Verse (thank you Ann Napolitano)
The scientist, one of a team tending to the Large Collider,
a member of a profession not known for poetry,
takes pages and pages of notes from the latest experiments
studying the accelerated particles of neutrons and protons.
Trying to understand the secrets of the smallest parts
of the natural world, and how they might behave in the air around us.
Within his journal, filled with mathemati...
Thursday 27th April 2023 4:15 pm
Poetry of Light
The poetry she was reading
couldn’t have been nearly as beautiful
as the sunlight dancing all around her, as I recall.
Tracing shadows and illuminations across her face.
Freckles of light cast through her hat with a ribbon
peeked through in the most delightful way.
As brief and temporary as this panorama was,
my memory begs to differ with me
every time I visit the canvas...
Friday 21st April 2023 3:18 pm
Three Sentence Love Story
You feel sorry for shooting stars
because they're so brief.
I say that can't be right.
You're how I feel when I see one.
Wednesday 19th April 2023 3:01 pm
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