I think it’s remarkable false hygiene goals

Have prompted the hoarding of stores’ toilet rolls;

In Morrison’s, Boots and in Asda the shelves

Are empty as numpties bulk buy for themselves;

Despite the advice of the experts, the dumb

Believe that the virus will egress your bum.

But Brexit has shown how misinformation

Gets swallowed wholesale by a gullible nation.

And so I will post on my Facebook’s News Feed

Fake news of my own; the message will read,

Advice the world over is ‘Doctors will say,

“A blowjob a day keeps the virus away”’.