Grey dogs panting
straps restraining
freed from their slips.
Brown hair trembling
wild heart racing
a scream on her lips.
Brown hair running
lungs bursting
stretching her length.
Grey dogs coursing
muscles revealing
their power and strength.
Black night enfolding
grey dogs creeping
hunter retreating
blood on his hands.
Tue 14th Jan 2025 19:21
Flyntland,
Your poem is intense and evocative, drawing the reader into a raw and primal scene. The pacing of the lines, from the "grey dogs panting" to the final "blood on his hands," builds a sense of relentless pursuit and tension. The imagery is vivid, particularly the description of the dogs’ strength and power, which contrasts sharply with the “hunter retreating” and the final dark moment.
What I appreciate most is how you capture the physicality of the chase—the "wild heart racing" and "lungs bursting" create an urgency that feels almost tangible. The rhythm and repetition in the poem also enhance this sense of movement and tension, pulling the reader along as the scene unfolds.
That said, the abrupt ending, with "blood on his hands," leaves a strong, haunting impact. While it works to underline the violence and finality of the hunt, I can't help but wonder about the deeper implications. Is it a comment on the cost of such pursuits, or perhaps on the consequences of violence, whether in nature or society?
The poem is powerful in its imagery and rhythm, and I’d love to see more exploration of the aftermath of the hunt. But overall, it’s a compelling and thought-provoking piece. Well done!
Tue 14th Jan 2025 15:02
Thanks Flyntland.
He has blood on his hands....but it's OK, the cops have been err..."instructed" to look the other way. In some parts of the UK they really have!
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Marla Joy
Tue 14th Jan 2025 22:15
you say so much with powerfully condensed words.