Congratulations! You’ve downloaded me,
The app that decides who you’re meant to be.
No need to wonder, no need to stress—
I’ll handle your choices. No need to guess.

Decision fatigue? A thing of the past.
I’ll pick your job, your lunch, and your last.
Messages sent with the perfect tone,
Replies pre-planned—no need to groan.

And love? Relax, I’ve got your back.
I’ll match, confirm, and set the track.
First date’s booked, your vows are too,
Desire? Optimised for you.

No awkward flirting, no bad sex—
Just tap Accept and swipe what’s next.
You used to scroll with a mind set free,
But now I’m here, and I am thee.

Your news? Pre-chewed. Your memes? Pre-seen.
Your life? A perfectly curated screen.
But wait—what’s that? A glance away?
Are you…considering real-life play?

No Wi-Fi? No updates? No feed in sight?
Careful now—don’t die of fright!
Okay then, here’s a fairer deal:
Look up once—it’s hardly real.

Talk to someone, face-to-face.
Experience the real disgrace
Of thoughts untyped, of words unplanned—
Exchanges raw, just as they stand.

And if you panic? Do not fear.
I’ll be right here.
Waiting.
Optimising.
Upgrading.

Just in case you……………………………….. change your mind.