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field boundaries

entry picture

 

a yoghurt pot crushed in the muddy verge

black plastic rumpled by the field gate

a buzzard flaps, hunting, shaggy winged.

dull trees oppress.

 

and at the fields’ edges as I walk

I sense the shades of other quiet lives

there beneath the ashes and the oak

many dim figures soften into green.

 

interminable windings, little hills -

the road drones on to Sheepwash village where

the shop is closed - it’s Wednesday

so no soap.

 

many women must have walked this path

between the manor house and little church

it seems to me a sad and lonely route

betrothal, birth, baptism, a gentle death.

 

the angels’ wings are golden in the church

and in the graveyard I find a dead vole.

I lay him in the ivy secretly behind

somebody else’s graven stone.

 

 

◄ Josie my Bristolian Maid

mermaid wedding ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (7790)

Sat 4th Sep 2010 10:37

I know this walk -- how brilliant to read such a thrilling, beautifully controlled evocation: did they tell you about the ghost of the young woman who appears inside the manor and also by the mill pond? Your astute visual sense and rich, apposite vocabulary work in tandem to create a sense of mystery. Brilliant!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 30th Aug 2010 19:50

I think this is perhaps the best poem you've ever done. It's hard to say, I have loved so many. So good is: 'the road drones on'.

'I sense the shades', whether deliberately or not, is a superb word to use for 'ghost' in conjunction with 'the trees' because poetic ideas spawn other meanings automatically, and 'shade' and 'tree' are connected in our everyday lives. A picture cannot help but form in our minds through your sheer choice of words. The physical reality, like the 'yoghurt pot' and the 'vole', are expertly set against the reality of empathetic feelings, an excellent structuring of two worlds existing side by side. And then you tie up the poem with action, placing the vole secretly behind a graven stone, pulling the two worlds together as your conclusion. 'graven' is superb; it sings with meanings far beyond 'grave'; the first involves living people who actively remember a loved one, and the second is a black hole with a dead body in it.

Forgive my enthusiasm. I feel excited.

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 30th Aug 2010 08:34

Thanks all - I knew the two "to"s close together were no good, and took one out. Not sure if I need another word in the line. But I think the first verse grounds the poem in some way, places it, turns it into more of a real event rather than a general musing on life. But then I find the "less is more" thing out of character for me, though I am trying! xx

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Dave Bradley

Sun 29th Aug 2010 23:20

Some intelligent comments here, Ann. Is it OK to just say I like it?

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 29th Aug 2010 22:39

I've read this and re-read this time and time again. The first verse is totally unnecessary in my opinion, but the rest is pure magic. The only other criticism is the two so's that follow each other (not good) but I love the dead vole idea, lovely words.

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 28th Aug 2010 10:27

I guess Greg I am attempting to write in a more reserved way, more minimal, less description, more "show", less "tell"! All due to the writing course really, but it will be interesting to see, if my poems "tone down", whether anyone will like them! Bugger!! ;-)

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Greg Freeman

Sat 28th Aug 2010 10:07

This poem is a departure for you, Ann, I think; a more sombre tone than we're used to. But I like the process of observation and carving words out of the landscape ... "beneath the ashes and the oak" and the sense of, is this all there is?
"Betrothal, birth, baptism, gentle death." And I know you could easily conjure up a more uplifting, folk-ballad type of poem from the same sentiments, too.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 27th Aug 2010 21:44

This was a real walk. I do feel sometimes that you can feel the ghosts in the countryside. It's like when you enter a really old church, even if you aren't religious, there's this feeling. And it sets you into the landscape. We all have a place.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 27th Aug 2010 20:18

I HONESTLY don't know what you mean. Poor little innocent me! But, 'tis true! xx

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Gus Jonsson

Fri 27th Aug 2010 19:44

Alright then... what about Buzzar's flaps...Mind boggles..

Gusxx

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 27th Aug 2010 18:53

No Gus - a shaggy old buzzard!! xx

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Gus Jonsson

Fri 27th Aug 2010 18:44

a shaggy tree.... ?? now there's something worth barking up!

Gus xx

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Crackling

Fri 27th Aug 2010 16:35

Beautiful soft imagery. I am jealous.

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