venomous
i'd like to take that throat
all puffed up venomous
sprawling paprika sunset canvas
spitting in the wind
like gravity's for idiots
shopping at prada for shoes hey honey
should i go this road or the other
as if i give a damn about
here come the soccer moms
shiny wrapped in apple-pie authority
biblical parables and drapes
traipsing down mountains
to taste my sermons practicing
abstinence in denim underwear
exhorting your captain
to capture the moment and kill
you howl salvation some place other
than my bins ravenous to chew and swallow
leaving bags of shit piled up like flowers
at a roadside fatality
and squeeze
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wed 17th Nov 2010 10:33
A great poem, Ray, dynamic and seething with gripping images to carry your theme. I feel that the 'no punctuation decision' drives the poem forward at breakneck speed, grabbing at you like a burr. The sarcasm just drips from the adder's tongue.
One very small point; I do like 'paprika sunset' (as a break from 'iodine'), also including the idea of 'peppery' as well as colour; but I would not put in 'canvas'. IMO, it's rhythmically interruptive, and introduces a new 'feel' to the tirade, deliberate construction.