December evening crisply cold
solitary stroll in falling snow
with soft breath starflakes cloud dispersed
soundless feet through lamplight of old globes
like full moons lifted in Atlas arms
along the muffled avenue
mellow yellow puddles gleaming at their feet
and I remember Lux flakes as they drifted
glistening
from the gaping box into the steaming washtub
down
in the cellar of my girlhood.
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wonderful emotional textures evoked by poignant lines. And what striking images as Lux flakes wafted into the tub in the cellar. An awesome poem. Thanks for sharing.
Re: 'girlhood/childhood' I take the point of universality curtailed, and will think seriously about it. Ironically, this small poem took a lot of work, many many revisions. And I'm not completely satisfied yet.
It's a good one.
What a cozy and reflective poem Cynthia. Perfect for this time of year, I too would have liked childhood, Less clunky and having a broader appeal (but thats just me), some great expressions, Win X
I like the gentle reflective nature of this poem - so in keeping with the falling snow. Graham is right - charming is the word for it - almost like you are shaking up a snow globe with your younger self inside.
Happy New Year to you to Cynthia. x
Cynthia hello. I haven't commented for a little while but thought that I would add my thoughts to this charming piece. Absolutely loved the idea of Lux flakes (well remembered) tumbling from an open box. I would have liked the ending to have said "the cellar of my childhood (to me girlhood doesn't sit right). Anyway, a lovely bit of work to end 2010 on. Look forward to your next year's offerings. Graham
love the last line Cynthia here in particular, but enjoyed the full poem x
I agree with the others. Lovely!
Philipos
Thu 30th Dec 2010 23:40
You hinted at some hidden jewels - I see some glimmer leaking from Pandora's chest - beautiful
I agree with Banksy. This is a truly lovely poem! Happy New Year and thank you so much for all your lovely words of encouragement to me in 2010. It was lovely to meet you too! xx
<Deleted User> (7212)
Thu 30th Dec 2010 13:13
Wow, Cynthia - you might be trying to be shmaltzy, but for me this is the best of yours I've read by a long way... you've put some feeling & love & depth into this one. Yours are always clever, erudite & well-crafted, but (for me) often a little too-well thought-out or knowing, but this one feels like it comes straight from the heart - and is all the better for it.
5 Gold Stars!
(BTW - can I put this on my website under Faves by other authors?)
Last year was a cheeky final poem. Something lyrical for 2010, gentle and non-confrontational. Happy New Year to Everyone. I do enjoy you all.
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Elaine Booth
Tue 4th Jan 2011 19:20
Cynthia - I liked girlhood very much. It sounds very poignant to me. As a woman reflecting on one's girlhood is something very different to childhood. Girlhood evokes the awakening woman, the fresh beauty of a young girl etc etc. Childhood is something else - different word, different sense altogether. I also got something of the washing powder as an accoutrement of adult womanhood versus the magical imaginings of a girl to whom soap flakes look like snow rather than denoting hard graft. I loved "atlas arms" and, of course, "cellar of my girlhood".