"I am a patient" I whisper in my head
and I should be treated like one
please take care of me
as I lie in this bed
with my insides burning
scared to death of this disease
my bones ache
I tremble and sweat
and cry as I stare out the window at the parking garage
where my car is parked, waiting for me to escape this nightmare
I wish I could say I'm here because I'm brave
but the truth is I'm trapped here by my body's rebellion

There should be a nurse in a crisp white uniform
who walks in confidently, checking my equipment
soothing my fears and pain
and making sure I'm safely surviving
and give me my medicine
but no, not for me
I must roll over aching
make myself sit up
and groan as I force myself to stand

"But I am a patient" I say in my head
and I should be treated like one
instead of being treated like a degenerate
instead of being forced to stumble weakly down the hallway
supported by the wall
until I get to Them
They who have the medicine I need
They goad me to hurry
like I'm some kind of manipulator
pretending, lying, false
their sarcastic comments
punch me where I'm broken
as they hand me my medication
in a tiny plastic cup
and They watch me suspiciously
as I force it with water
down into my unsettled stomach
and They must check my mouth
making sure I swallowed everything
because I can't be trusted

No rest for the weary
I walk with fear into That Room
the one set up in a circle
where we are appalled that we must confess our sins
to total strangers
painfully, under the watchfulness of Accusing Eyes
She who keeps forcing our souls into the bottomless pit
She who smashes our faces into the dirt on the floor

"But I am a patient" I shout in my head
and I should be treated like one
instead of being treated like a degenerate
When we are done
She walks out with her head held high
secure in the knowledge that we will walk out
with our eyes downcast
out through the back doors
and into the dirty alley to next door
to open the hospital cafeteria doors by the dumpsters
and parade past everyone sitting at their tables
they all know who we are
all the time we are eating
we are dreading the fact
that we must go right back into That Room
and suffer the humiliation again

"But I am a patient" I scream in my head
and I should be treated like one
instead of being treated like a degenerate
but you won't find that here
I'm sick and miserable
and need to be taken care of
with gentleness and respect
but this is a stop on the way to Hell
because They believe that's where I belong
They don't believe in this disease
They hate what I am
and laugh at me behind my back
because it's all my fault that I'm here
and to Them, I'm a joke
but in reality

I am a patient