(The original "Coal Porter")

 

 

I stripped with Ned

The church roof’s lead

But we made our get-a-way badly;

The horse was lame

Said Ned, “And the same

Can be said for the axle, sadly”.

The traffic cop

Flagged us to stop

And said when he’s stopped laughing madly,

“Are these both yours?”

 

I said, “Yes – the horse,

But the cart belongs to Paddy.

Yes the cart belongs to Paddy;

We were taking it back to his shed”.

 

“The cart’s going nowhere, laddie.

What’s this ‘ere; in the back; is it lead?

So I have to warn you, laddie,

That I don’t think a word of it’s true.

That the cart belongs to Paddy;

So pull the other one too.”

 

So with a grin

He took us in;

The Good Guy was followed by baddies;

The bobby led

Then me and then Ned

As the horse limped behind us sadly.

But what a hike!

The trudge seemed like

We’d trekked the Burmese Irrawaddy;

I thought I’d try

The same alibi

That the cart belonged to Paddy.

 

“See, the cart belongs to Paddy

And I never knew it contained lead;

Yes the cart belongs to Paddy –

Tell him Ned; Tell him Ned; Di’n’t it Ned?

And he’s gone to Hyderabad he

Asked I return it.” I lied.

 

“So if the cart belongs to Paddy

How come your name’s on its side?”