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In the Footsteps...

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In the footsteps of our fathers

we took the restoration trail

through wooded hill and wetland

from Aspull through to Haigh

 

sucked up the coldness

of a late winter sun

reflected on

the stillness of it all

each sunken dead tree scrum

on mirrored flash

no whispering grass

all secrets to the grave

 

and in the distance stark reminder

of where our history lay

ruck heaped with spoil

the toil of all our fathers

banked in landscape

barren, grey

 

resentful of this exercise

my children wailed

bemoaned the hand that brought them there

then trailed

3 miles becoming more like 10…

till off the leash I watched them scale

the highest branch of every living tree

cut free, till they were breath and wind and sky

and I

left grounded there to muse upon

iniquities of time

and all the lifelines lost to draglines

in girdle, harness , chain

bodies bent, racked double

in this our heritage of pain                                                                                                                                                           

 

beneath my feet the rumble

of coal truck full to brim

stifled all the voices

of the children trapped within

the blackness and the bleakness

of the bleeding hour on end

a candle width for company

a shadow thrown for friend

 

In the footsteps of their fathers

they walked the miners’ way

on hands and knees

in darkness

from Aspull through to Haigh

 

 

(audio version on youtube cos my computer's playing up :)

 

 

 

 

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Comments

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Tom Harding

Thu 6th Sep 2012 22:35

Great poem... well written but also great sentiment.

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Isobel

Wed 5th Sep 2012 22:28

You don't need to justify yourself John. I don't mind critique so long as it is offered politely. All critique is subjective and a poet can choose to listen to or reject it. Besides - you are a lovable old windbag :)

I'd agree that this is an odd poem and that it leaps from one thing to another in style. You can get away with that in music and in performance - it's a bit harder with page poetry though. If I had more energy I might tinker with it, but I don't. I'd just like to tackle something else now. I'm glad if people get something out of it at any level though.

The youtube link now works - though I don't think I performed it very well on there. My delivery was too flat - I need to up and down my voice more. A big thank you to Chris Coe and the Wirral Ode Show for videoing it and putting it up. x

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John Aikman

Wed 5th Sep 2012 22:15

I'd pay no heed to me (why do? Nobody else does : ) ) I just have an aversion to certain tropes...mostly anachronisms (bemoans) and cliches (stark anythings). Less is always more in poetry (IMHO) so, if something is stark...then illustrate it as so, using language.

Isobel is a fabulous poet...and I'm a pompous windbag...so what?

Enjoy : )

: )

Jxxx

PS 'all the lifelines lost to draglines' marvelous!

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M.C. Newberry

Wed 5th Sep 2012 12:29

I admire the potency of the imagery, and its
then/now evocation of a child's world is imaginatively handled.
We can all think of changes to other folk's
work but...
if JA complains about "bemoaned", I would suggest "assailed" (e.g. thinking of kids pulling resentfully at adult hands!)...as a tie-in with "wailed". OK - it might also be
"archaic" but so what if it works?
I can see how effective this poem would sound when read aloud.
Lyric? Poem? I'd settle for lyric poetry.

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Isobel

Tue 4th Sep 2012 22:16

Thanks for your comments everyone. I'm glad if this struck a chord.

Dave - On the walk we took (last January), the landscape towards Aspull was still pretty bleak - flat and dreary looking - abnormally shaped. The trees around the small flashes were dead and bent over the water, much like a scrum. It reminded me of an alien landscape or something from a Dali painting.

Harry - thanks for picking up on that contrast. I think when you have kids of your own you are more keenly aware of human suffering - particularly for children. I wrote this for a competition so I bothered to read up on working conditions. I learnt about them as a child in our history lessons but the full enormity of their suffering didn't really register then. I actually found myself getting very upset just thinking about how their lives must have been.

Steve - I'm glad you are coming round to performance poetry :) It IS more about entertainment. My mum was a singer round the clubs and I grew up watching her reach out to an audience through music. The first famous live performer I ever saw was Shirley Bassey. Perhaps us performance poets are all failed musicians :)

Thanks for enjoying Laura - and Julian/John - if I get chance, I might try to edit some of the rough spots - or I might just try to write something else :)

Winston - :-P

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Dave Carr

Tue 4th Sep 2012 21:51

I can remember how black the landscape used to be and how dismal it was. The poem takes me back and sums up the mood of the time. Some good images. Dave

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Harry O'Neill

Tue 4th Sep 2012 16:52


Excellent deeply felt poem Isobel, particularly
the contrast with the kids of today. The second and third `scenery` stanzas set the mood bleakly. (`stark` is dead right).

The airy spread of the kids climbing the trees is also a powerfully poetic contrastive image against the constriction of the ones in the mines.

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Laura Taylor

Tue 4th Sep 2012 16:28

I've heard Isobel do this aloud at the Tudor and loved it

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Julian (Admin)

Tue 4th Sep 2012 13:46

This is a delight to read, Isobel, thanks to the rhyme and its rhythm, though I cannot get the vid to work, perhaps my ancient computer at fault.
And I agree with John that a really good edit could render it a damn fine poem. For my taste, it is overwritten (i.e. not yet edited down to its essentials). That is to say, if you remove the words that add nothing to its sound nor its sense, to leave denser text, ommitting many of the words 'the', would be a grand start, as you have in the excellent, spare line:
of coal truck full to brim
E.g.:
In our fathers' footsteps
the restoration trail
wooded hill and wetland
From Aspull to Haigh

or similar.

I love the wind and sky and draglines and it is a superb idea, too, this contrasting your kids' above-the-ground freedom with the lot of the mine children. Excellent stuff.

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winston plowes

Tue 4th Sep 2012 00:57

:-P

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Isobel

Mon 3rd Sep 2012 16:27

I wouldn't knock yourself Steve - there are enough others around to do that :)

We all have our own unique style. A lot of stuff you read on here comes across much better in performance - that doesn't make it a strictly performance poetry site though.

I wouldn't see your poetry as being strictly about the self either. You just chose a different route to write about some of the same themes that interest me - alienation, failure - and you do so in a very original way.

By input, perhaps you are talking about critique - in which case - yes - sometimes you have to hear a poem to be able to react to it fully.

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Isobel

Sun 2nd Sep 2012 22:18

I need a sign for tongue sticking out :)--

If I used just 'moaned' I would have to say 'moaned about' and that sounds most unpoetic.

Stark is not a word that brings me shame either - though it is perhaps more fun when used with naked :)

I like the lines you pointed out. The line I like least is 'this our heritage of pain' - it seems contrived.

This is yet another poem where I set out to do non-rhyming and ended up rhyming.

I don't see any genius in here at all - just a lot of humanity. It's a less subtle, more emotive version of Charlotte Henson's mill poem. I like poems that can look beyond the self. Sometimes we take for granted simple pleasures - like being able to take a walk on a Sunday with moaning/bemoaning children :)

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John Aikman

Sun 2nd Sep 2012 20:55

It seems half a poem half a lyric, to me. The first half is a (good) folk song and the second half a (good) poem.

You already know I'm going to hate the word 'bemoaned'. When was the last time your kids bemoaned anything? I'm sure they moan, but 'bemoan'? : )

Stark reminder? Give me a rest.

Is it a song...or a poem?

'cut free, till they were breath and wind and sky

and I


left grounded there....'


'iniquities of time

and all the lifelines lost to draglines

in girdle, harness , chain...'

Fucking genius!

You need an editor!

: )

Jx

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