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Caroline

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Caroline talked in her sleep last night.

She told a story about a cat.

“The cat sits amongst the flowers,” she said.

“The cat is happy.” And that

was the end of the story.

 

She sometimes sings in her sleep, too.

Murmurings of lullabies,

sugared lips slightly parting

mouthing the words to forgotten songs.

 

As she sleeps, tells stories and sings,

I like to put my hand on her breast,

caress the curve as it hangs, deadweight.

I feather-touch her nipple, and smile. 

 

She feels good in bed;

I love the silent S of her shape.

She has that sleep smell, of

haunted flowers, a sweet musk, inviting.

Perhaps this is where the cat sits.

◄ Growing Flowers By Candlelight

Supercilium ►

Comments

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Francine

Wed 19th Sep 2012 01:42

Julian may very well be right...
Doesn't it remind you of SOMEONE???

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Isobel

Tue 18th Sep 2012 20:08

Well if you are not right Julian, that's one hell of an insult LOL!

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Julian (Admin)

Tue 18th Sep 2012 09:20

The cat in the chat came back.
I have long been convinced, John, that you spend hours - days, weeks or aeons perhaps - crafting your poems to achieve the effect of them not being finished. Like film set designers meticulously creating the effect of an unfinished house. And that posting them on here is an ironic take on the Write Out Loud blogospherics. How brilliant is that! Except that I have seen through you. I think.
The final word is spelled correctly, isn't it?

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Isobel

Wed 12th Sep 2012 17:31

I'm back. I was going to say that this is a feel good poem - or maybe a good feel poem even :) In fact I'm still going to say that. I've enjoyed reading the comments as much as the poem. 'Strangefish' - I like that one :)

I really like the way you make a poem out of something so ordinary - watching someone sleep. I love the cat ending. It IS engimatic and odd and a bit whimsical and that's what I like about it.

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Isobel

Wed 12th Sep 2012 15:30

When I first read this, I wondered about the name. I think Caroline is a melodic name and reminds me of the song 'Sweet Caroline' - so perhaps it ties in with the sort of woman who would sleep curled up murmuring lullabies in her sleep?

There's a knock at the door - I'll continue later...

darren thomas

Wed 12th Sep 2012 09:14

The more I read this the more engrossed I become...

Now I want to know more about 'Caroline' not least WHY the name Caroline? Partial quality with 'feline'? - and although it's written in first person I'm not assuming that YOU are the 'I' in this.

Certain words can often alter the whole feel and meaning of a poem. 'Murmuring' and 'Lullaby' are nearly always included in lists of words that simply sound beautiful and 'sugared' sounds sexy (although it's pretty close to 'buggered') but when i read the words
'hangs' and 'deadweight' and 'silent' I'm becoming more intrigued. Perhaps because I've been reading a lot of Browning recently. Write one more stanza John - one in which you kill her - you'll never get any sleep if she's singing and ballin'.

And bring a big chicken on Thursday. Your Mum said it was Poultry Night at the Tudor.



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John Togher

Wed 12th Sep 2012 00:40

Cheers Dad.

Made some changes. Still unfinished and can't get that line right about the sleep smell and how to get it across. Think I originally put 'nice' in there with a view to changing it, but can't quite get it right.

darren thomas

Tue 11th Sep 2012 23:00

John - I don't know where you're at with this piece? If i was to take this as a 'finished' piece I'd be disappointed. Love the sentiment and the storyline behind it - but as I read it - it sounds disjointed - especially line 3 to 4 of 3rd stanza... and... although a powerful final stanza, the word 'nice' needs kicking in its bollocks - and the last line - 'perhaps that is where the cat sits'?? I'd consider 'perhaps THIS is where the cat sits'???

Love and kisses

Dad xxx


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