He loves me
in a modern way. He texts me
almost every day. He posts his thoughts
on facebook pages and finds
my crazy cats outrageous. I think
there is a lot we share; Music, films,
the open air. Maybe he'll make
my life complete. I wonder
if we'll ever meet?
I`m glad Yvonne`s come back to this.
On a second look, the rhyme placings (plus their excellence) make it actually run better than if they had been more traditional...I
think it has to do with its modernity.
Great content enables you to move the line breaks without predjudicing the outcome. I'm rather keen on mid-line rhymes, Freda, so this appeals to my senses poetically. XX
Thanks for the comments. I was just experimenting with the line breaks of course, as otherwise its a very mundane pattern that comes so naturally that I talk in rhyming couplets some days. I can see how boring it is as a form.
I saw this the other day and wanted to come back to comment on it.
It struck me as funny, profound, and sad in many ways...
Communicating with people around the world is just a click away these days! How some people conduct their relationships - both in a public forum, and void of any delicate, intimate interactions, that in the past would be necessary to cement any long lasting relationship, has become quite complex. I think though that if modern technology is used appropriately, and only as an introduction - can lead to something more substantial, but there has to be interest beyond the fascade often presented online and in ambiguous text messages for it to develop and endure - otherwise you are living in la la land...
Hi Freda,
Reminded me very much of Wendy Cope's style this one - not a bad thing in my humble estimation!
Regards,
A.E.
A great take on a modern problem. Love the last line - sort of whips the rug from under one, makes one realise the size of the issue.
Very neat summing-up of the way some of us live now, Freda. They say social media is rewiring some people' brains - I fear it might be happening to me! Evolution?
tony sheridan
Thu 1st Nov 2012 21:56
"He loves me in a modern way" Love it! Take care, Tony.
But if you did it might be a huge disappointment Freda! I love your take on modern love - you are not far short for some people :)
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Freda Davis
Sun 25th Nov 2012 08:23
I like that, Harry. Modern love ith modern enjambments.
(what has jam got to do with it?)
Actually, I did like the result of breaking the lines lke this. It sounds more thoughtful about the implications. 'He texts me' and 'I wonder' stand alone, and then are followed up after all.