Domestosterone

I’m tougher than a brave marine,

in hard-worn battle gear,

all decked out in camouflage.

There’s nothing that I fear.

You may have taken all my mates,

but they were old and weak,

you’ve never met a foe like me -

I’m tough as fucking teak.

I laugh at all your vain attempts

to seek out and destroy,

for when I’m in my element

I’m proud that I annoy.

I smear myself on surfaces,

I hide in subtle bends

I know my mere existence

disgusts you and offends.

You’ve looked for me both far and wide,

in every hole and pipe.

Despite your best intentions

I still evade your subtle wipe -

on worktop, chair, toilet seat,

sink and windowsill,

I am the awesome nought point one

that you will never kill.