It's a lark, it's a hoot.
Wonder Woman is a wonder.
Superman is super.
Batman is bats.
The Hulk is colourful
(but so is everyone).
Noise and bubbles and costumes and smiles.
Drums, cameras, banners and signs.
"Some Chistians are gay, get over it".
"Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine".
We plodded along.
God plods.
Let's plod like God.
Plodding forward
to freedom.
Dave - as for titles...a few years ago, this would have probably been called -"Straight Guy On a Bent March". But time and tolerance moves ahead. I rather liked the "plodding" theme - it sums up the often everyday mundanity that can accompany great social changes in attitudes when the previously rejected and reviled are re-assessed and accommodated.
Thanks Freda. I toyed with the idea of leaving a gap before 'we plodded along' but didn't. The idea, which may well be half-baked, is that once all the fun and celebration is over, the process of making a better more tolerant world, is often a plod, just like the boring bits of a march. And I have the temerity to think God is involved in it.
The title is my "Wow what am I doing here?" and probably does sound daft to march veterans.
I'm not sure I get the significance of the title. What makes it specifically the response of a straight guy. I'd agree with Freda too some energy seemed to disipate.
This is interesting as it seems to give up somewhere near the end and turn a bit lame. The energy of a gay pride march runs through it right up to the 'two Dads' quip, but what happened then? It had lines of four beats, but suddenly its all Mr Plod.
I want to say, go back to that moment. You are leaving something out that really mattered. Because you turned away from tackling it, the energy disappeared and you tailed off.
Poetry demands that you say the unspoken. (IMHO)
Well now - Jesus DID have two dads. That's a
neat riposte to gay-bashers (who are often
religious nuts!).
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Chris Co
Tue 6th Aug 2013 19:40
Noise and bubbles and costumes and smiles.
Drums, cameras, banners and signs.
These lines seem to capture the energy best for me, very nice half rhyme too!
Also love the deliberate literal use of the line that followed.
"Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine"
Lovely warm humour by being literal. It's not often that you get funny biblical comedy - and it works - had me chuckling. Also how often does the bible seem to lend weight to gay rights - warm tolerant and humorous.
On a serious note, it had me thinking about how some abuse the bible by taking things very literally. I don't know if this was in your thinking, but it is a nice reversal of that practice. It just goes to show you the power of interpretation.
I can see the angle in reference to a march being a plod and can see why you are saying what you are, by way of explanation. But I can see Freda's point too.
Maybe something that connects the two and squares the circle could be achieved?
This march is not a plod - but should we need to!
Let's plod like God...
Towards freedom!
Not necessarily like the above, but..Mmm you get the idea. I guess it depends on how you feel and what is important for you to say. Maybe the poem already articulates your feelings correctly.
Comments are valid and can be of use, but a camel is a horse made by committee - so always the poet has to be the final arbiter of all.
I like the poem, the lines I highlighted in particular. Aside from the language - The sentiment is obviously very agreeable.
The only thing I would change if it were me...the title. There is the danger that it could be seen as singling yourself out from the crowd, as though to suggest you are writing a poem on the subject, kind of saying; in case your thinking, i'm not errrm you know ;). I know you're not of that mindset, but the title could lead people who don't know you into that conclusion.
Best of
Chris