(I have just become a twerlie)

 

I’ve just acquired my bus pass

For reaching 62

So caught the service up to York

I thought, “That’s what I’ll do”.

 

I felt a bus pass virgin

Expecting to be barred

But no! the driver looked at me

And said, “Just swipe your card”.

 

We set off first to Selby

And picked up several more

But then it slowly dawned on me

As folks queued by the door.

 

Two old dears with their shopping

Held tight against the sway

Then sat down puffing out of breath;

Of course, they didn’t pay.

 

An old bloke with some library books

Whose hair was thin and greyed;

His tongue kept popping in and out;

Of course, he never paid.

 

But then a scuzzie teenage scrote

Trying to look hard

I thought, “A paying customer!”

But no! he swiped a card.

 

Next up was Vicky Pollard

Five kids beside her played

8” of belly hanging out

You’ve guessed! She never paid.

 

A bunch of schoolkids followed

A chav who spat at me

A troop of tourists from Japan

All rode the bus for free.

 

For 20 miles and 40 stops

That’s just the way it stayed

Man or woman, young or old

No bugger ever paid.

 

So all you wage slaves out there

“Stump up and smile” I say

“Your NI, rates and taxes;

We’re needing you to pay”.